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Question of the Day December 30, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Question of the Day, Sports.

What in the hot hell is the “New Era Pinstripe Bowl”? Is every NCAA football team that can field twelve guys getting a bowl these days?


Football FAIL–A Rant November 21, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Rants, Sports.

Ok, children, time for one of my ever-so-rare blogs about sports.

So, I’m watching the Tennessee Titans/Washington Redskins game. The teams played very well, resulting in a 16-16 tie to end regulation and force an overtime situation. The Titans win the coin toss and are, for some reason, unable to get into field goal range and get this shit over with. Anyway, the Redskins get the ball back and wind up in a third down with twenty-two yards to go. Things are looking up…until after the play, when a FUCKING IDIOT named Jason Babin goes and knocks the helmet off of a Redskin player.

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? I’d expect that kind of foolish, IDIOTIC behavior from a rookie. But Babin’s been in the game for seven frakkin’ years! And you do that in an overtime situation? When you’ve already got the opponent on their heels and can get the ball back and win the frakkin’ game? What, did he think the refs would hand him the keys to the city and the game ball? What the hell? I’m used to seeing that kind of foolishness come from a team that’s losing and has a great deal riding on the game. But this? When I saw that I said to myself, “Well. They just lost the game.” They gave the Redskins a new set of downs and enabled them to get in field goal range and yadda yadda, game over, Titans lose.

So, thanks a LOT, Jason Babin. Thanks for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Question of the Day July 8, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Question of the Day, Sports.
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Why in the hot hell is ESPN devoting an entire hour to LeBron James so he can tell us where he’s going to play basketball next season?

News You Can Use: Tiki Barber Is Broke, Y’all June 23, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Observations, Popular Culture, Sports, Uncategorized.
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Fig. 1: Broke.

Children, divorce is a bitch. People who once told everybody that they would “love, honor, and cherish” each other begin reenacting the battle scenes out of “Braveheart.” The poor kids of the union begin being treated like chess pieces. The only people who get anything out of a divorce are the divorce attorneys. When I hear that a couple divorced “amicably,” I have to wonder if they gave a flying damn about each other in the first place.

Anyway, Tiki Barber and his soon-to-be ex-wife, Ginny, are definitely not in the amicable separation category. Their divorce is proceeding about as messily as one might expect, especially since his messy, dumb ass left his then eight-months pregnant wife for a 23 year-old intern. Well, now it seems that Tiki is claiming that he is broke and cannot afford the divorce settlement. As you may know, after the news of him diddling the intern came out, NBC decided “to part ways with him,” costing dear philandering Tiki a $300,000 a year network contract.

Fig. 2: Is this woman worth $300,000 a year, plus a marriage, plus alimony?

What Day Is It? April 16, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Sports.
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Why, it’s Facepalm Friday!

Fig. 1 Portrait of a Douchebag

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports another woman is alleging that Ben Roethlisberger forced himself on her.

Wow, Ben. You successfully fended off not one, but two allegations of sexual assault. However, methinks that the third time that someone alleges that you’ve been far less than gentlemanly is an example of the old adage “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”

Now, what I don’t get is this: despite the fact that you look like the unfortunate offspring of hellfire and damnation, you have more money than God and could pretty much get any a lot a good number of women to willingly have sex with you. Why assault someone? It just doesn’t make sense.

But then, as I think about it more, I think I get it: you’re into power and domination–it’s clear from the reports and allegations that, if true, you really kinda get off on dominating women. You’ve clearly bought into some mythology of yourself as untouchable, as evidenced here:

The incident allegedly occurred during a party at Roethlisberger’s house in central Georgia. A young woman not interviewed by authorities claims the quarterback pulled his pants down and told her she could “do whatever she wants,” according to the GBI report.

Well now, Big Ben. Perhaps this was all a misunderstanding. An isolated incident that in no way indicates a pattern of abuse towards women.

A week later, the woman attended another party thrown by Roethlisberger. She claims the 28-year-old quarterback was drunk and forced his hand up her skirt. She was able to escape and informed her father of the incident but he apparently encouraged his daughter not to pursue a criminal complaint, the report states.

Oh, wait. Guess not. I could write a lengthy analysis of how sports culture has probably instilled in you a belief that your talent and fame excuses you from the petty mores and customs we mere mortals have to follow. You’re a demigod, so you can get all the free strange you want, because it’s all about you, right? And you’ll have more than a few mentally deficient supporters telling you and the world that these women are just trying to bring you down or get your money, because these women are nothing but filthy whores who totally wanted it, what with the way they dressed and acted when you were buying them free drinks. They’re just trying to trap good men such as yourself.

Fig. 2 Ladies, do NOT let this one get away!

So, Big Ben, congratulations. You are the recipient of this week’s Captain Jean-Luc Picard Facepalm.

Enjoy, you sad sack of fecal matter.

P.S. I await with bated breath your eventual press conference wherein you use the passive voice to describe your reprehensible behavior, the Steelers eventually releasing you from your contract, and the inevitable stint in “rehab” and/or prison. Then you and Michael Vick will start a national speaking tour where you talk about the “bad choices” you made that led you both to becoming barnacles on the bottom of society.