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Congratulations New York! June 28, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Gay and Lesbian Issues, Observations, Politics.
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Fig. 1: New York, New York, it’s a helluva town!

As is my usual, I am late to the party, children. As pretty much everybody in the Western Hemisphere knows, New York became the sixth state to legalize gay marriage (or, as I like to call it, “marriage”). Six Republicans voted for the bill, and some pundits wondered if this signals a shift in the Republican party. I’m not holding my breath, for as long as dumbnuts like Newt Gingrich exist, the GOP will likely continue to pander to the bigots and oppose equalizing marriage.


Figs. 2, 3: And then there’s these fools.

Children, I realize that Teh Ghey can bring out some crazy reactions in people. If I had a dollar for every crack-headed comment I got from some blighted, blinkered moron regarding homosexuality, I’d be rich enough to buy a 2011 Acura RL.

Fig. 4: We should start a “Get Skippy an RL” fund. For every homophobic jackass comment, I get a dollar. I’ll be driving that car in no time flat!

Anyway, in the days leading to the state senate vote, imbeciles came out of the woodwork to oppose the bill. Their hyperbole was…astoundingly stupid. First up, New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan. He took to his blog, arguing that if Teh Gheys can get married, then the United States will become a communist state! You think I’m kidding, don’t you. Well, here you go:

Last time I consulted an atlas, it is clear we are living in New York, in the United States of America – not in China or North Korea. In those countries, government presumes daily to “redefine” rights, relationships, values, and natural law. There, communiqués from the government can dictate the size of families, who lives and who dies, and what the very definition of “family” and “marriage” means.

But, please, not here! Our country’s founding principles speak of rights given by God, not invented by government, and certain noble values – life, home, family, marriage, children, faith – that are protected, not re-defined, by a state presuming omnipotence.

Please, not here! We cherish true freedom, not as the license to do whatever we want, but the liberty to do what we ought; we acknowledge that not every desire, urge, want, or chic cause is automatically a “right.” And, what about other rights, like that of a child to be raised in a family with a mom and a dad?

Wow. This guy is a bucket of FAIL. His histrionics are so absurd, I hardly know where to begin. First, he claims that China and North Korea…do something bad. He’s not really clear. He doesn’t seem to have quite a grasp on logical argumentation. Without going into his overweening reliance upon a bigoted understanding of “natural law,” his whole assumption that the United States would turn into some totalitarian communist regime with the extension of marriage rights to gays and lesbians is utterly backward. The expansion of rights is the polar opposite of totalitarianism. Apparently, totalitarianism means something completely different in Dolan’s lexicon. Also, “rights” must mean something different in Dolan’s world. Then again, I’m fairly loath to take any advice regarding marriage or sex from a guy who thinks his deity says he can have neither.

Next up, we have David Tyree. He’s a retired NFL player who thought it in his purview to offer an opinion about gays getting married. He recorded a video for the National Organization for Marriage in which he outlines just how Teh Gheys getting gay married will destroy the fabric of our space-time continuum:

Fig. 5: Anarchy as defined by a moron.

Ok, really? This is the best that NOM could do in order to counter pro athletes who were coming out in support of the marriage equality act? Tyree seems to think that the extension of marriage rights to gays and lesbians leads to…something bad:

It’s about what’s right. It’s about how can marriage be marriage for thousands of years and now all of the sudden, because a minority, an influential minority, has a push or an agenda and totally reshapes something that was not founded in our country, not founded by man, it is something that is holy and sacred. I think there is nothing more honorable, worth fighting for, especially if we really care about our future generations.
What I know will happen if this does come forth is this will be the beginning of our country sliding toward, it is a strong word, but anarchy. The moment we have, if you trace back even to other cultures, other countries, that will be the moment where our society in itself loses its grip with what’s right. Marriage is one of those things that is the backbone of society. So if you redefine it, it changes the way we educate our children, it changes the perception of what is good, what is right, what is just.

Wow. What? Gays getting married will mean society will all of a sudden lose a grip on what’s right? Really? The thing about these bigots is that no amount of logical argumentation will work with them, for they will always invoke “nature” and “God.” Someone like David Tyree is incapable of presenting a argument against two men or women getting married that doesn’t rise above “Ew, icky!” However, he tries his best when he makes some sort of appeal to history. The only problem is this: his understanding of the history of marriage is woefully inadequate and ignores previous moments in which other familial arrangements were considered a “threat” to society. What does he think about single parents? Divorce? Blacks and whites getting married? Damn them for creating anarchy!

Oh, and David? Protip: Marriage hasn’t been the same for “thousands and thousands” of years. So, you might want to think about that the next time you’re pimped out by an organization of bigots.

George Takei is Awesome; The Tennessee State Senate is Not May 21, 2011

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On Friday, May 20, the Tennessee State Senate approved a measure that would forbid public school teachers from discussing homosexuality in the classroom. Dubbed the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, it appears that the troglodytic homophobes in Tennessee government seem to think that if you don’t talk about homosexuals, then we’ll simply disappear. Well, George Takei has something to say about that:

Fig. 1: It’s official: George Takei is AWESOME.

How Many Gays Must God Create Before We Accept That He Wants Them Around? May 5, 2011

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Fig. 1: At least one elected official has a brain in his skull.

Your Daily Dose of “WTF?!?” March 8, 2011

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Proof that not all grandmothers are sweet, kindly souls:


Fig. 1: Does your grandmother know this much about anuses?

I really have nothing to say in response to this.

Oh, wait. I do. I wonder if this person finds lesbian sex okay. Is oral sex peachy dandy for her? Clearly, no one has bothered to give her the “Joy of Gay Sex.” I think she should get that book for her next birthday so she can be more informed about the multiple ways in which we homoseckshuls have hot, society-destroying gay sex.

A Random Observation: Darren Criss and Overexposure February 15, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Gay and Lesbian Issues, Observations, Popular Culture.
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Darren Criss is not a model. He should stop trying.

Children, I present some evidence:

You can see more of these at Tom and Lorenzo’s blog. Now, I realize that since “Teenage Dream,” Darren Criss has, shall we say, blown up. He’s the “It Boy.” He’s here, there and everywhere…

…and frankly, it’s getting tiresome. It’s getting even more tiresome since it appears that his character Blaine isn’t even romantically interested in babygay Kurt. The frak is up with that? But that’s kinda beside the point—I just wanted to throw that out there. Anyway, this much overexposure surely can’t be good—I understand this whole milking of one’s fifteen minutes, but trotting him out for every damn magazine (in this case, OUT Magazine—I’ll rant about them in a minute) is annoying.

Also annoying is OUT Magazine trying to sex this boy up. He can’t give you sexy or smoldering. Cute, he can do. Smoldering? Well, you see those pictures. He looks like he’s doing his first day of a ten-year sentence at San Quentin. Plus, I’m tired of magazines like OUT interviewing hetero actors who “play gay.” I swear, each actor speaks as though he’s doing something revolutionary and completely unheard of in the history of ACTING. Frankly, it’s as tiresome as that photospread.

This Must Be A Sign of the Apocalypse January 19, 2011

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Logo’s The A-List is coming back for a second season.

Fig. 1: A famewhore’s gotta eat…and shop and get highlights and spray tans and wear Prada…

Let’s be real; this should come as a surprise to absolutely no one. Perhaps this is the culmination of the gay rights movement—the ability to be as vacuous and self-indulgent as the dominant culture without one whit of self-awareness or logic.

Shut Up, You Old Fool. December 19, 2010

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Yesterday, in an astounding act of competence, the Senate voted to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the policy which kept gay and lesbian servicepersons in the closet for nigh unto twenty years. Most everyone is happy that this horrendous bit of foolishness has been swept aside.

Guess who’s not happy?

Fig. 1: This old, useless, bigoted, flip-flopping, dumbass moonbat.

Granted, one would expect the Republican Party to oppose the repeal of DADT. After all, this party has become the bastion of closet cases, hateful jackasses, and douchebags of varying degrees of douchebaggery. Republican senators came up with all sorts of reasons why DADT shouldn’t be repealed. But here’s what Senator Moonbat had to say:

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., noted that in his conversations with members of the military they had a simple message for him about repealing the policy.

“They’re saying if it isn’t broke, then don’t fix it,” McCain said. “I understand the other side’s argument because of their social-political agenda, but to somehow allege that it has harmed our military isn’t justified by the facts.”

At the same time, McCain acknowledged even then — before the vote — that the repeal would pass.

“I hope that when we pass this legislation that we will understand that we are doing great damage,” he said.

“Today is a very sad day,” McCain sighed later.

Yes, Senator Moonbat, today is a very sad day. But do you remember what you said in 2006 about this same policy? Don’t remember, Senator Moonbat? Well, thanks to the magic of the Intarwebz, we can remind you:

The day that the leadership of the military comes to me and says, senator, we ought to change the policy, then I think we ought to consider seriously changing it because those leaders in the military are the ones we give the responsibility to.

So, when the Pentagon basically said DADT wasn’t really a feasible policy to maintain, you vigorously (well, with as much vigor as a desiccated assmunch such as yourself could muster) opposed them.

Yes, Senator Moonbat, today is a sad day. It’s a sad day when bigoted, callous, craven fuckers like you claim to represent the nation. It is sad that good men and women who wanted to serve their country had to wait decades for a venal institution to finally get a clue and extend just one bit of equality (we’ve got miles to go yet). It is sad that you Senator Moonbat have virtually no scruples whatsoever and are comfortable benefitting from the oppression of others. It’s infuriating that you are more than happy to parade your bigotry for all the world to see—you were comfortable with the possibility of repeal when the possibility was slim to none, weren’t you, Senator Moonbat? You want to run around and say that repealing this pathetic foolishness will harm the military and your asshattery is justified by “facts”—what “facts” might those be, you blinkered fuckshit? What about the data that shows that the majority of those serving in the armed forces don’t think that there would be any negative consequences to the repeal of DADT? That’s fact, you fossilized troglodyte. And “social-political agenda”? Indeed—what do you think DADT was? Something laid down by the 8lb 6oz baby Jesus and written in the Ten Commandments given to Charlton Heston and John Wayne?

You know what? I’m spent. I’m just glad that DADT is dead. Now go in a corner and shut the fuck up, all you bigoted shitmonkeys.

The Return of the Facepalm November 20, 2010

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In response to a stupid “article” on MediaTakeOut (that reputable source of black celebrity gossip) about leaving a club with a transsexual, Marlon Wayans took to The Twitter to defend not only his but his brothers’ putative heterosexuality:

Fig. 1: Nothing says “heterosexual” like Tweeting it!

Yes, Marlon, we in The Gay Community must have you among the number! It’s what we in The Gay Community do—we spend our sex and drug-fueled days trolling for fugtastic morons such as yourself and hoping, wishing, praying to the Gay Gods for the day when we can catch you getting some hot tranny ass, because that means that we in the Gay Community have a shot at some bad sex with an ugly nitwit. Yes, Marlon, not only do we want to pollute you, we also want your brothers! It’s like that scene in “Return of the Jedi” when Darth Vader told Luke that if he wouldn’t turn to the Dark Side of the Force, then he’d just go after his sister, Leia. It’s totally like that, Marlon Wayans. If we can’t have you, then we’ll have one or more of your brothers. We’re just that indiscriminate.


Fig. 2: If Marlon will not turn to the Gay Side, then perhaps someone else in his family might possibly be interested…

Marlon Wayans, you’re prompting me to do something I haven’t done on this blog in AGES. You sir, have forced me to revive:

Fig. 2: Why? Because you so fucking deserve it, you stupid moron.

A Tale of Two Gays November 12, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Culture, Gay and Lesbian Issues, Observations, Popular Culture.
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You’ve probably been lucky enough to never have seen “The A-List: New York,” Logo’s attempt at a gay version of the “Real Housewives of Wherever.” If you have, for whatever reason, watched this execrable show, you’ve probably been treated to the idiocy that is Reichen Lemkuhl. You may remember him from such shows as “The Amazing Race,” where he and his then-partner Chip won. Way back then, we thought that Chip and Reichen were a gay godsend from above, a role model couple for gays everywhere.

Then, they broke up. Oh, well, we thought. It happens. Couples break up all the time. But then, Lance Bass came out and then he and Reichen started dating.

Fig. 1: I ain’t saying he’s a golddigger…

We began to worry that Reichen was a little bit famewhorish. We tried to ignore stuff like him speaking or his book “Here’s What We’ll Say: Reichen Has a Ghostwriter” and merely enjoy that he was a pretty, pretty man.

But then he signed onto this A-List show. If you want an example of what I’m hinting at, just try watching one episode of this bullshit. And by the end of the first episode, whatever attractiveness Lemkuhl had had evaporated. It’s always sad when dumb people don’t realize they’re dumb. Dumb people usually say dumb shit and then think that the dumb shit they’ve stupidly said is deeply profound instead of dumb. So when Reichen sat down with AfterElton.com to do an interview, one could reasonably expect some dumb shit to fall out of his mouth. Here’s what he has to say about the show and the way it represents gay men:

AE: I’m sure you’re aware, but there’s been a lot of criticism from gay folks that the show is sending out this image that gay men are vapid or superficial. I’m curious if you were surprised by that, the reaction. Secondly, how do you respond?
RL: I’m not totally surprised by it, because I’m a member of the gay community and we take a lot of things personally. We’re a very insecure community about the way that we are portrayed or the way we’re thought about by straight people. We’ve sort of been beholden to the way straight people think about us, and we let that control our community a lot of the time.

I just did a video for my Facebook saying look, it’s a television show made for the purpose of entertainment and we’re not here to represent the whole gay community — we can only represent seven people in the gay community, and watch it for that. Watch it as a TV show. If you think we’re a bad representation of the gay community, it’s like, every gay person knows … we all know the way these seven guys, including myself, act on the show are an accurate representation of the way a lot of gay people act.

For you, as a gay person, to deny that this is a fair representation of the gay community, you’re fooling yourself. What you’re really trying to say is, you’re worried about how we look to straight people. In my video I say this is what we have to stop doing as a community — stop worrying about how we’re portrayed to straight people. No matter how we’re portrayed, it’s how we are.

If every gay guy in America wants to walk around in a dress all day long and sing show tunes and be as stereotypically gay as possible, we still deserve our rights. We still should demand our rights, and we shouldn’t be worried that we don’t have credibility to demand our rights because straight people look at us differently. We still deserve our rights.

When we start cutting each other down from the inside and say “He’s the wrong kind of gay and he’s the right kind of gay”… We should start saying “Okay. As a gay person, I accept all people and the way they act in the gay community, even the way they’re acting on the A-List because that is a fair representation of the way a lot of gay people act.”

Okay, let’s break this fuckery down, shall we?
1. Worrying about what heterosexuals think is only half the problem here.
Reichen seems to want to cover up the fact that this show is full of vapid morons by deflecting. If he thinks that all the detractors of this show are criticizing him and the rest of these self-absorbed morons is because we’re all worried what The Straights will think of us, then that lone marble he calls a brain really is defective.

2. Saying “it’s how we are” shows just how stupid, self-absorbed, and pathetic Reichen is.
He seems to want to have his stupid cake and eat it too. He basically says, “Don’t watch this show thinking it’s a representation of what being gay is, until it is.” Well, which is it, Reichen? And if this is what you think “we” are, Reichen, then that explains a lot about your boyfriending your way through half the Western Hemisphere.

3. This show already presents “the right kind of gay”—and it’s as stereotypically horrible as one might expect.
To follow up on the “it’s how we are” statement: to let this show tell it, gay men are shallow, narcissistic, stupid, self-absorbed, arrogant-without-portfolio, vapid, whorish, catty, status-seeking, vainglorious and morally deficient fucktarded bastards. The “right kind of gay” according to this show is a white male—Latino men are acceptable, so long as they conform to the ever-so exacting standards of whiteness.

Now, let’s be real; I’m certainly not expecting Reichen or anyone else on this Real Housewives-inspired bit of foolishness to be a Gay Yoda. One doesn’t watch this kind of show expecting Afterschool Special messages of gay greatness—but it’d be nice if Reichen possessed enough self-awareness and savvy to say, “Look, this is a show where we’re playing roles—and the audience isn’t going to be interested in watching guys sit around waxing philosophical about gender representation, so we give them what they want: hot guys and catty bitches.”

What really throws his comments about the “A-List” into sharp relief is this week’s episode of “Glee.” The main story focused on babygay Kurt and him being bullied at McKinley High. Fed up with being pushed around by one particular meathead, Kurt snuck off to a rival school, Dalton Academy and met Blaine, a student there and a member of that school’s glee club. That led to this:

Frankly, whatever I could say about this pales in comparison to how Tom and Lorenzo broke it down:

To the straight people reading us: remember high school? Remember your favorite songs and movies, TV shows and music videos from that period? Imagine if all of that media bombardment telling you what to like, what to wear, and how to be attractive, popular, and cool, imagine that all of that aimed for and addressed everyone else but you. Imagine what it’s like when every sappy love song (or angry breakup song), every rom com, every trendy TV show and blockbuster movie, even every video game, imagine if they all depicted a form of romantic love that simply isn’t available to you. Imagine going through high school without even so much as a hint of yourself reflected in any of the things you watch and listen to, any of the things that literally every other kid is talking about. Imagine the one thing you want more than anything in the world: to be kissed, please god, just to be kissed, imagine you have never seen that depicted anywhere or referred to in any way but as something to be mocked and shunned.

We grew unexpectedly teary-eyed watching this number. Not because sappy teenage pop songs get us worked up, but because the sight of a sappy teenage pop song being sung by one cute teenage boy to another cute teenage boy is still, sad to say, an extreme rarity. All we could think while watching this number was, “My god. What would it have been like to see this at 14?” To have the media offer up a romantic fantasy that actually reflected what we secretly yearned for.

What would it have been like, indeed? All I have to say is head on over to TLo and read the rest of what they have to say. Certainly, “Glee” has not been perfect when it comes to representing gay experiences on television, but this is a giant leap forward. Where have we ever seen a male singing a pop song to another male? Sure, this Dalton Academy is, like Blaine himself, a fantasy, but it’s a fantasy that gay kids need to see. Sure, it’s great that adults left, right, and center are taking to YouTube to tell gay kids that “It Gets Better,” but it’s a helluva lot better for gay kids to actually see representations of their experiences, fantasy or no. When I was a teenager, I remember going to the downtown library and looking for anything that had to do with being gay. Certainly, there was nothing in popular culture or in adolescent culture that would have spoken to being gay—outside of tragedy, that is. And the popular music of the day was completely heterosexual—George Michael hadn’t come out yet, and all the boy bands were singing to teenage girls (even if 90% of them were gayer than a rainbow-painted picnic basket full of lube and condoms in the middle of the Castro during Pride). I, like many other people, have wondered, “What would being a gay teenager have been like if this had been around?” What if gay teens are able to see representations of their experiences that aren’t always framed by tragedy or ostracism? What if they can actually go to the prom with their dates just like everyone else and not have to engage in court battles just to go to the damn prom?

Well, one thing is for certain: Blaine and “Teenage Dream” was a helluva lot better than Logo’s “The A-List.”

Whiny So-Called “Activists”: A Rant October 25, 2010

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Children, I am sick of stupid people. Now, this should come as no surprise to anyone who’s bothered to read this blog or anyone who knows me. But there’s a special kind of stupid that makes me apoplectic: it’s the whiner. Remember when you were a kid and you figured that the only way in order to get that special candy/food/toy was to whine? It might have been cute when you were a kid, but it’s fucking stupid when you’re an adult.

Fig. 1: A whiny ass crybaby.

Here’s what Alan Cumming, actor and “Obama supporter” said on his blog:

So the Obama administration is going to appeal the Federal Court’s decision last week that DADT is unconstitutional. Even though The Pentagon, yes, that’s right, the fucking Pentagon was going to adhere to the decision and stop firing military personnel who were found or confessed to being gay. WTF?! We keep hearing tht Obama is an ally, that DADT will end under his watch, but what do we actually get? Diddly squat thus far on a federal level and in addition to that some very offensive statements that would have made the Republicans look bad. I am patient. Being a homo in America you have to be. But they do not have to do this. And in a time when America is full of hatred of all kinds, but especially hatred towards young gay people, what message is the President sending when he repeatedly goes out of his way to spread the message that the gay population is not worthy of the respect that everyone else is?!
How can we counsel our children not to bully their gay classmates, or pry and mock their gay friends, when they see their President, their beloved President Obama, refusing to do the equivalent in regards to troops and other adults.
Words and images matter, people.

Yes, words and images matter. I suppose that’s why last year, your deep thoughts produced this scintillating assessment of President Obama:

“So much of male psyche is taken up with how big your cock is; it’s a huge deal in our lives, and so when you’re confident about your penis size, it shows.”

And his highly trained eye says Obama is hung. “Well, just look at him,” Professor Cumming explained. “Just the way he’s so kind of elegant and very confident in his body and himself.”

“Also,” Alan added as an afterthought, “someone told me that they worked out with him in a gym in Chicago, and it was big.”

I guess Cumming’s just pissed that he didn’t get to see Obama’s wang. I won’t even touch the subtly racist undertones of such…musings.

Frankly, I am sick and damn tired of “actors” who think they have fuck all to say about anything. Sure, some of them come down on the right side of issues; but damn almighty, their privilege and general existence in a rabbit hole usually means that whenever they say something—even if it’s the “right” thing—means that it’s going to be so full of stupidity, that it’d have been better had they kept their traps shut.

And reading Cumming’s whiny-ass bullshit, coupled with more whining from so-called liberal gays makes me want to issue industrial strength bitch slaps to The Gay Community. You tired motherfuckers continued to support the hell out of Bill Clinton—and this was after DOMA and DADT. You tired motherfuckers, like so many other whiny-ass crybabies in America, expected Barack The Magical Negro to swoop in and save your tired asses with the wave of a wand and then all things would be made better overnight. The man’s been in the White House for just under two years and you idiots expected EVERYTHING to have changed by now; and since it hasn’t, you’re “angry.” I’d say it’s more like “petulance.” You tired, whiny motherfuckers go to your high-priced luncheons and “charity” dinners, sip mimosas and spout platitudes in NYC, San Francisco and Atlanta, have deemed “the gay movement” as a movement for marriage and serving in the military without one whit of concern about the assimilationist, heteronormative nature of this “movement,” and now, when you don’t get your way, right away now, have the fucking temerity to say that you might sit out the midterm elections?

Are you whiny-ass bitches kidding me?

Do you whiny-ass crybabies fucking think it will get one goddamn ounce better with a Republican majority in the House and Senate? Here’s a clue: no it fucking won’t. Yes,the administration is acting mighty fucking confusing regarding DADT. Hell, it’s acting flat-out schizophrenic. But you know what? When the going gets tough, the tough get going—in other words, in the face of adversity, sack the fuck up, redouble your efforts and put some fucking pressure on the White House. Organize. Don’t throw your hands up and say “Fuck it, I’m staying home!” Put your goddamned hands to the fucking plow and get to work—use your anger constructively and read some goddamn history. Do you think that African Americans gave the fuck up after the Montgomery Bus Boycott? After Brown vs. Board of Education? Do you think any marginalized minority just said “Fuck it, I’m staying home!” after a series of setbacks—and if they had, where are they now?

In short: quit fucking whining, you fucking idiots, and for the love of Spock, don’t stay at home or vote third party!