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Real Housewives of Atlanta: Birthday Parties and Banjos March 19, 2012

Posted by Skippy in Uncategorized.

Last Time: Phaedra wants to get her hands on a dead body, NeNe wants to divorce somebody, and Sheree starts shit between some bodies.  Cynthia defends her shitty husband after he treats her sister like a nobody.

We begin with the Supermodel of the World and her geriatric failure of a husband.  He thinks that the stupid one-year anniversary party “went great.”  I guess if you think dissing your wife’s sister is a good thing, then the party went splendidly.  Supermodel doesn’t understand what Mel’s “issue” with their marriage is and claims that she’s done.  She’s also dumb.  Papa Smurf doesn’t understand Mel’s issue with him.  And Supermodel is claiming that Mel caused a scene?  Damn, this woman is dumb, dumb, dumb.

Kandi goes back into the belly of the beast.  She visits the Biermann Manor…and is immediately asked by Lady Kim about what happened.  She wants Lady Kim to know that it was Supermodel who made the crack about holding black babies. They rehearse the music issue and make nice.  Me and you will never part!

Speaking of parting, NeNe visits her lawyers.  Well, they’re lawyers.  I don’t know if they’re her lawyers.  They’ve got some sweet offices overlooking Midtown Atlanta.  Anyway, NeNe has been separated from Gregg for a year and there’s a divorce settlement on the table.  She claims that she’s got a man ready to “scoop her up.” Um, yeah. Whatever. That said, NeNe isn’t sure she wants to divorce Gregg, but the lawyers keep thinking “billable hours,” so they won’t shut up.

Hey, Hot Piece of Ass!  Long time no see!  Anyway, HPoA is going to speak to the Masonic Lodge…about his passage to manhood.  I’m not saying another thing, other than this: fool, DO NOT read while you’re trying to drive, you fucking idiot!  The hell is wrong with you!

Ok, now I have to make fun of this Masonic Lodge.  They’re holding their event at a Picadilly Cafeteria?  Holy mother of Spock, I didn’t know Picadilly Cafeteria still existed!  Clearly, Prince Ayden Adonis ain’t crazy about the choice of venue either, because he smacks Lady Phaedra in the eye and cries.  Anyway, HPoA doesn’t share Phaedra’s “gift of gab.”  No, no he doesn’t.  But he sure is nice to look at. 

Kandi is at some dude named Lil Ronnie’s house.  Oh, so we’re back to this Kandi Goes Country bullshit?  Meh.  But damn, he’s got insane computer equipment.  Looks like the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise.  Kandi’s nervous about working with JoDee Messina.  I truly couldn’t care less. 

It’s Shit By Sheree!  Tierra, Sheree’s sensible child, visits.  She’s got a job in television production—good for you!  She’s got news for Sheree…Tierra’s boyfriend Damon might propose! This, for some reason, does not make Sheree happy.  It should—they’ve been dating for seven years!  Sheree basically shit-talks marriage.  Yeah, Tierra, I don’t think your mother is the best person to talk to concerning marriage. 

Speaking of idiots talking, Mel stops by Supermodel’s fugaboo agency.  She wants to apologize to Supermodel before she jets off to France, but Supermodel wants a pound of flesh.  Mel explains that when she sees Papa Smurf, she sees failure, but Supermodel wants to make digs on Mel’s man. “You are in my shadow, get it, bitch?”  That’s basically what Supermodel says.  She interviews that Mel is acting like a “hater.”  Supermodel is one dumb, dumb, foolish child. 

Prince Ayden Adonis is turning one!  More importantly, Apollo is shirtless.  More stupidly, the Lady Phaedra decides to have the baby’s first birthday party two hours away. 


And why the hell is Dwight there? 

The Lady Phaedra has twelve cakes presented to a one year old who couldn’t give a flying shit.  Sheree: “Now, who gon’ eat all that damn cake?”

Lawrence tries to talk sense to the Concubine.  It fails.  Commercials.

Ok, so now Sheree meets Damon the Boyfriend to grill him and present incontrovertible evidence that she will be a meddlesome mother-in-law.  I feel badly for Damon.  The minute he makes ANY mistake, she will be all up in Tierra’s grill and telling her that he ain’t no good.  Their only hope is to move far, far away from Sheree.  I’m just sayin’ 

We’re back in Nashville at JoDee Messina’s recording studio and…zzzzzzzzzz.  Oh, I’m sorry.  I fell asleep there for a few hours.  Anyway, when I wake up, Kandi is telling us something we already fucking know: there aren’t a lot of black country singers or producers.  JoDee sings the song that Kandi wrote about money growing on trees and then tells her that she wants to sing the song live in front of people.  It makes Kandi nervous.  Still don’t care. 

NeNe sees a therapist!  ‘Bout damn time. 

Oh, GOD. We’re back in fucking Nashville and now we’re at the Bluebird Café.  Pardon me for not giving a shit about this.  Anyway, they sing and they sing and then the episode is over. 



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