Real Housewives of Atlanta: A Golddigging Fantasy February 27, 2012Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
Gather ’round, children!
Once upon a time, there was a golddigger named Kim. She was the fairest in all the land of Atlanta. Her boobs were spectacular, but alas, they were not real. Her flaxen hair was the best that could be provided by Kim’s House of Wigs. She desperately wanted to be loved and showered with gold and baubles. She thought that her prince had come in the form of a married dude named Big Poppa. Alas, she was wrong. Our golddigger also wanted fame, so she thought that that ship had come in the form of a dalliance with another woman. But alas, that was not to last.
Then, one magical evening, Big Poppa dropped our golddigger off at a ball. An elegant ball attended by everyone in the land. And then, like a ray of light shining through dark clouds, a handsome, young, fine-assed football player named Sir Kroy appeared. Did I mention that he was a football player? For the Atlanta Falcons? CHA-CHING! I mean, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!
Our golddigger was happy! However, the road to true gold must be paved, and what better pavement than a baby. Thus it was, our golddigger got seriously knocked up by the Fine Ass of Sir Kroy. In the land of Atlanta, that’s called “taking it slow.” And thus it was, in the due course of time, our golddigger delivered unto the world a little bundle of
gold—I mean, joy. Everyone in the land marveled at how fair Prince Kroy Jagger Biermann was, including Kim’s really creepy dad, Joe. I mean, seriously. Dude also made a boob joke about his daughter and later commented on said daughter’s sex life with the Fine Ass of Kroy. Freak.
Anyway, our goldigger’s happiness was to be made more complete when she and Sir Kroy moved into the Biermann Estate. The Lady Brielle did not realize that Sir Kroy wouldn’t be the pushover that her mother is and would require that she contribute to the well-being of Biermann Manor. Sir Kroy also revealed unto our golddigger that he likes firearms and chopping wood, things that the Lady Kim found déclassé. Not willing to disturb connubial bliss, our dear golddigger took up shooting. All was happy. For a time.
The unconfined happiness of the Biermann Estate was to be interrupted by the horror that is Sir Kroy’s job. Seriously, this show treats Kroy going off to NFL training camp like he’s going to Afghanistan. Anyway, this fairy tale is not over, as Bravo wants ratings gold in the form of a show revolving entirely around the Lady Kim’s wedding to Sir Kroy. Everyone in the land shall watch and be entertained!