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Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Law By Sheree” December 14, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
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Last Time: Kandi wants to do an adult toy line. Some idiot football player and his concubine make their idiotic debut at NeNe’s expense. Kim delivers her bundle of joy, Kroy, Jr. Sheree gets served! But wait, didn’t this just happen, like, two days ago?

Well, Bravo thinks we need a special episode of RHoAtlanta, so, here we go! Sheree is at Phaedra’s office to let her know that she got served. Bob’s salary has dropped, so he wants to modify the child support that Sheree claims he never paid. Phaedra want to be the “legal eagle” she needs to be; she suggests getting Bob’s Broke Ass arrested, but Sheree doesn’t want that. To be that legal eagle, she’s going to have to start billing Sheree. Oh, this ain’t going to end well.

Over at Kandi’s radio show, she has invited the irrelevant football player and his concubine. Gee. I wonder if the producers had any hand in this? Especially since Kandi is talking about “how to catch a baller.” Irrelevant football player blathers about women not…doing something. Or carrying themselves like hookers. As I live and blog, this has been a day of irrelevant dumbasses saying dumb shit. Ok, that’s it. He is Irrelevant Football Player (IFP) and she is The Concubine. The Concubine says that her money comes from God. Kandi interviews that the Concubine had a white sugar daddy. This is some hot assed mess and makes me glad I no longer live in Atlanta. Kandi: “I reveal too much about myself.” Yes, honey. You do. Gworl, could you PLEASE get laid?

Kim and Kroy’s Fine Ass and Kroy, Jr. are ready to go home. Aw, how special. Kim can’t believe he’s here. Brioche doesn’t look happy. Neither is that ugly-assed dog. Is it time for a commercial, yet? I really hope it’s time for a commercial.

Cynthia. Oh, Cynthia. She’s hanging out with Sheree—-psych! No, she’s hanging out with NeNe, of course. They go to some boutique to “shop.” Kandi’s stupid radio show comes up, and Cynthia brings up Irrelevant Football Player and the Concubine. NeNe notes that she never slept with IFP, but Cynthia’s Dumb Ass claims to like the Concubine and thinks that NeNe will like her too. NeNe pooh-poohs that with extreme pooh-poohage.
Sheree rolls up in her Aston-Martin Porsche. Phaedra thinks it’s not so smart to be rolling in a rented Porsche when you’re trying to get money from your afflicted ex. Phaedra also has to counsel this idiot about what to wear. You clearly can’t roll in court wearing D&G and Louboutins. Did I spell the name of those shoes correctly? I could check, but I clearly don’t give a flying fuck. I wear shoes whose names you can fucking spell…and afford. Anyway, Sheree’s an idiot, because she doesn’t see what the big deal is. Bitch, you’re trying to get money! You’re supposed to look a little broke down. God. Anyway, Sheree’s got a big ass. Phaedra thinks she should save the phat ass for the club. She’s also positive they’ll be fine. FORESHADOWING…

Kandi is meeting some woman to talk about her sex toy line of sex. That’s really all that can be said about this. To borrow from Evil Willow, “Bored now.”

Kim’s feeding KJ. Brioche lets loose a sneeze full of deadly pathogens. This infuriates Kim, who interrogates Brioche about her plans on being a good sister. Apparently, she attacked The Other One with a spork. Sweetie the Assistant washes Kim’s harem of wigs, while Kim wishes for Kroy’s Fine Ass to return and restore masculine order to this den of female unruliness.

Phaedra arrives at work. Steven gives her a cup. He is apparently on his job. Good for Steven! Latoya tells Phaedra that she went to get the check from Sheree…but she ain’t have the check. The $5,000 retainer check. Phaedra notes that Sheree has had some…issues…with paying attorneys. Don’t phuck with Phaedra’s phunds. Wasn’t that phunny? Anyway, Brandon arrives—WHO IS BRANDON?—with the check.

DAY OF JUDGMENT!
Sheree is in her apartment—wait? Wasn’t she in a house last season? Anyway, the emotions overcome her. Phaedra, now fully paid, calls. She says that Sheree is on the winning side—FORESHADOWING!!—but Sheree says she doesn’t have the energy. Phaedra has to pep talk her. I wonder if that’s coming out of the retainer. “Today is going to be one of the easiest days you’ve ever had.” FORESHADOWING!!!!

Elsewhere, on this Day of Judgment, Kim’s weird ass parents show up to see the baby. Kim’s dad begins attempts to socialize the baby to it’s allegedly appropriate gender. Kroy’s Fine Ass has a goatee going on. Skippy likey. Brioche does not cotton to the idea of changing that boy’s diapers. Ariellanala likes changing diapers, but Brioche just wants to text her friends and go shopping and talk about boys.

Mama Thelma shows up to support Sheree on her Day of Judgment. Sheree believes that Bob thinks he’s above the law. Well, he must be confident, since he’s representing himself. Phaedra thinks that that’s smart, as well as coming to court looking “a hot mess.” Bob hands the judge a petition for contempt. Phaedra hasn’t been served with a copy of that motion—RUH-ROH! The proceedings have been moved to September 1st. He is claiming that Sheree took furniture granted to him in the divorce, but Phaedra notes that it is a delaying tactic. He sticks his tongue out and then ambles out of the court, displaying to all the world that he is an immature nimrod. Mazel ton!

Well, after that debacle, Kandi, Phaedra and Sheree meet at a restaurant. They all act like they ain’t seen each other in a month of Sundays. They talk about the case and the contempt motion. Phaedra notes he’s filing motions willy-nilly. Sheree sourly notes that they were supposed to file a contempt motion as well. Phaedra is ticked that Sheree is critiquing her strategy. “No, ma’am,” says Phaedra. Sheree interviews that Phaedra was outsmarted by an ex-football player who represented himself in court. Kandi sympathizes; the court system in Atlanta apparently sucks ass, and both Kandi and Sheree cry. I think I hear Mary J. Blige in the background. Y’know, watching this show makes me thank various deities that I am a homosexual.

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