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Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Shower the Baby, Muzzle the Boy” November 23, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
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Last Time: Kim’s pregnant, Phaedra’s loving the dead, NeNe is playing, and everyone talks shit about NeNe.

We begin with Sheree rolling up to a construction site. She has a contractor…building her a new home. Really, with what money is she building a new house? She tries to say that she was “barely born” in 1975. Bitch, please. Again, with what money is she building this mansion? Bitch is building an 8,000 square foot house. What the fuck ever.

Phaedra’s cooking for Prince Ayden and Hot Piece of Ass. She’s in love with her Prince Ayden, but he’s not in love with the food. She wants to coddle him, but HPoA is stern. HPoA is mad because he got some Internet attention about getting stopped by the po-po. They argue in front of Prince Ayden…well, Phaedra, that tends to happen when you marry an ex-con, regardless of how much of a hot piece of ass he might be. Anyway, it appears to have been a case of mistaken identity. Frankly, I don’t give this marriage more than five years.

Speaking of marriages, we visit Cynthia and Old Fart. Leon, desperate for a paycheck, conveniently shows up to father his child. Cynthia says that everyone has respect for everyone. Mmm hm. Old Fart is going back into the bar business. Cynthia doesn’t want to impede his progress. His new bar, called Bar One—how original!—will not be a money pit. At the prompting of the producers, Leon Baby Daddy asks how Cynthia’s Evil Mother and Sister are doing after attempting to sabotage the wedding. Old Fart really doesn’t like Evil Mother and Sister. Leon Baby Daddy tries to give Old Fart some advice, but Old Fart is…well, an old fart. Well, we’ve just set up Cynthia’s season-long storylines, haven’t we?

Kim and Sheree, who are now best buddies meet for lunch. Kim says that she and Sheree have been friends for ten years…minus that hair pulling incident a season or two ago. Anyway, they discuss Kim’s baby shower and Kroy’s Fine Ass and his family. Oh, and she’s moving in to Kroy’s Fine Assed 17,000 square foot house. They discuss how they don’t like old homes—they like new. Well, it’s nice that they got other people’s money to get all that new.

NeNe’s son Brent is not excited about visiting his dad. He would rather have his crazy parents back together. NeNe talks to him like he’s slow—that boy ain’t slow. He’s probably the smartest person on this damn show. Gregg shows up and they have awkward divorced people banter. Yay, awkward divorced people banter!

Phaedra and Kandi hang out to buy shit for Kim’s baby. They talk about Prince Ayden…and HPoA, which Phaedra don’t want none of. Kandi’s all, “Um, you married an ex-con. Of COURSE people are gonna talk about him!” For some reason, they talk about Cynthia and Old Fart. Old Fart apparently said he can’t stand Phaedra’s ass. Kandi reminds Phaedra that she might have offended Cynthia when she said she don’t want no man who’s got a village. Old Fart has a village. Anyway, Phaedra kinda makes me like her a little bit when she rattles off a string of one liners about Old Fart. She calls him Papa Smurf. Frankly, that’s going to be his new nickname.

Kroy’s Fine Ass and Kim are getting ready for her baby shower. Everyone’s way overdressed for a damn baby shower. Arianna finds out that she did not get a baby shower. Well, add that to the list of problems she’ll be discussing with her therapist. Kim wants the baby shower to be something Kroy’s Fine Ass will never forget. Well, it’s being filmed for a reality show, so, I think that’s pretty much in the bag.

People show up to the baby shower. Kandi notes that she’s not been up on her friendship duties—really? Were they ever friends? The room is decorated with a bunch of pregnancy photos of Kim and Kroy. Phaedra thinks that Kim might have…um, borrowed…some ideas from Prince Ayden’s shower. Joe, Kim’s father tries to hit Phaedra up for business. HPoA is all, “Um, okay then.” Sheree and Lawrence (apparently he’s the new Dwight) show up. Sheree thinks that the space is more suited for a wedding instead of a baby shower. Everybody loves Kroy’s Fine Ass. For some reason, everyone starts bitching about Papa Smurf and Cynthia. Sheree: “What straight man goes and does an article talking about his wife’s friends?” Sheree thinks that Papa Smurf and Cynthia won’t show up.

Ha ha! They do, but they’re late as all hell. And they don’t bring a present. Phaedra: “Who comes to a baby shower five hours late? Did they come for the refreshments?” Truth be told, this is ghetto as all hell. Sheree is throwing all kinds of shade. SHADE! But honey, the shade is THROWN when Papa Smurf announces his new bar and Phaedra says, “I ain’t gone be invited because Peter don’t like me.”

Phaedra sits back and smiles ‘cause she knows she started some shit. HPoA intervenes and begins to Defend His Woman. Papa Smurf and HPoA begin jawing at each other. Papa Smurf begins writing checks with his old assed mouth that HPoA might make him cash…after this commercial break!

When we come back, HPoA keeps reminding Papa Smurf that he’s too old. Kroy’s Fine Ass is not pleased with this turn of events, and Kim is high holy pissed, but I think Sheree put it best: “Peter’s like NeNe to me; I think he’s all bark and no bite. Peter thought he was going to come in there and he was going to be able to punk Apollo. EPIC FAIL.” True that.

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