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Vegetarian Bumper Stickers: A Rant September 9, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Rants, Uncategorized.
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The other day, I went to the grocery store—you know, my favorite place in the world. Anyway, I pulled into my parking space, and found that I was parked next to an SUV bearing the following annoying, overbearing, utterly douchetastic bumper sticker:

Fig. 1: Bumper sticker of a douchebag.

I really wanted to write a note to the owner of the pretentious SUV with that bumper sticker and other car magnets featuring their kid’s soccer league and haute taute day school that said:

It is apparent that you think eating meat is the hallmark of a thoughtless individual who doesn’t have quite the cognitive abilities that you allegedly possess. Have you considered that your bumper sticker is indicative of a simple mentality that seeks to elevate itself on a purely arbitrary basis? Have you considered that human beings, the primates that we are, have a natural disposition towards eating meat? Certainly, as rational creatures, we can choose to not eat meat–however, that choice does not make you or anyone else a morally superior person, as your bumper sticker so arrogantly asserts. Furthermore, while you’re congratulating yourself in the most elitist and offensive way for not eating meat, have you considered that driving an SUV is not helping the poor animals you claim to be so concerned about? Your vehicle isn’t a hybrid or an electric vehicle; therefore, you’re contributing to pouring tons of exhaust into the air; in turn this further damages the climate, which in turn ruins the habitats of those animals you refuse to eat. Well done!

Signed,
A Meat-Eating Wielder of a Ph.D.

P.S. Life is not good, either. Only an idiot who is totally ensconced in an upper middle class bourgeois lifestyle and utterly lacking in any awareness of the world around them would put that shitty sticker on their car.

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