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Five-Minute Celebrity Apprentice: “Laugh ON” (part 2) May 10, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Celebrity Apprentice.

Donald Trump: OnStar is awesome! I personally have no idea what it is or what it does, but that’s what these old farts are here to tell you.
OnStar Execs: OnStar is now available at Best Buy, so you can purchase it and use this useless service in your car. Your job is to provide us with free advertising. Good luck!
Donald Trump: What is this “Best Buy”? Anyway, choose your leaders!
Backbone: We played eenie-meenie-minie-mo. So John Rich will be the project manager.
ASAP: Marlee Matlin will be our project manager.
OnStar Execs: We’ve been directed to once again give the men their marching orders. John Rich and Lil Jon, the word “ON” is very, very important. Just a hint. Now, Team ASAP—
Meat Loaf: Can you use this on a bicycle?
OnStar Execs: We thought that Trump got rid of Gary Busey.
Lil Jon: We need to steal completely from the Mac v. PC commercials. They’re still doing those, right?
John Rich: That idea is giving me a headache.
Meat Loaf: My idea is to do something completely condescending and annoying.
Star Jones: I can totally make this work to my advantage. Things are proceeding exactly as I have planned.
Lil Jon: This is OnStar! YEAAAAAH! Can we get George Lucas to do some CGI?
Star Jones: Meat Loaf, do we have a script?
Meat Loaf: Script? We don’t need no stinkin’ script!
Star Jones: There’s no way that Donald Trump could blame me for this impending fiasco.

Don Jr. approaches. No one cares.
Donald Trump, Jr.: Hey. Any naked women in tubs? No? Then I don’t care.


Marlee Matlin: I probably should have taken more control.
Marlee Matlin’s Interpreter: What the hell did you think I was signing to you?
OnStar Exec: What the fuck is this shit?
John Rich: My gramma will have an OnStar in her Caddy!
OnStar Exec: That’s nice…could you wear a shirt that isn’t so violently colorful?
Other OnStar Exec: I hate rap.

Another Boardroom!

Donald Trump: A hick and a black can get along—who knew? So, Marlee, why didn’t you completely run everything?
Marlee Matlin: I delegated—isn’t that what a project manager does?
Donald Trump: Hell if I know. Anyway, the OnStar Execs hated your commercial.
Audience: Well, file that under “duh.”
Meat Loaf: Sweetie, you need to listen to me!
Star Jones: Um, what? I’m a lawyer!
Donald Trump: So what did you two fight about?
Star Jones: Meat Loaf belittled me by calling me sweetie.
Donald Trump: Aw, get over it. I’ve been called much worse.
Star Jones: Like “misogynist”? “Sexist pig bastard from Hell”?
Donald Trump: Nope.
Star Jones: “Asshole”? “Imbecile”? It has to be “imbecile.”
Donald Trump: Star, you’re never going to figure it out. You’re fired!



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