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The Dumb Is Strong With This One. March 30, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Politics, Rants, Religion.
Tags: , ,
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Fig 1: Cheated on wives because he loves America. Seriously; google it.

Newt Gingrich is probably one of the worst politicians in America—and that’s saying something. Here we have a vile pestilence who cheated on not one, but two of his three wives.* He cheated on his first wife while she was dying from cancer, and that alone qualifies him for Scumbag of the Century. Worse, he “defends” his fucking around by saying this: “There’s no question at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

Are you fucking kidding me? You love America, so you stick your tallywhacker wherever you like? I have three words: bitch, comma, please.

Well, it just seems that old Newt can’t keep from saying dumb shit:

Newt Gingrich warned churchgoers on Monday that an unholy (semi-holy?) combination of Islamic theocrats and secular atheists could seize control of the United States within decades.

“I have two grandchildren — Maggie is 11, Robert is 9,” Gingrich said at a church in Texas, according to Politico. “I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they’re my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.”

Now, children, this is a bit of a headscratcher. Perhaps ol’ Newt doesn’t know jack-fuckin’-shit about Islam (and even less about “radical Islamists”), but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that I’m pretty damned sure that if this nation is ever “dominated by radical Islamists”—wait, did you hear that dogwhistle?—they wouldn’t be too kosher with secular atheists running around doing much of anything.

Does this fucktard even know what an atheist is? Besides a talking point designed to scare a bunch of fools who are following another fool. Has he ever talked to an atheist? Oh, of course not. No, what this putrid pestilence wants to do is cynically use two disparate and wholly incompatible groups as whipping posts in his campaign for President. Rather than focus on issues, he’d rather appeal to the ignorant and fearful (basically, white fundamentalist/apocalyptic Christians).

Here’s what this “secular atheist” thinks: I don’t give a flying fuck what you worship. I don’t care if you worship the 8lb 6oz baby Jesus morning, noon and night. I don’t care if you worship an erstwhile goddess or if you worship a pair of lucky underwear. I don’t care if you don’t worship anything at all. However, I DO care when you want to tell me that I must worship your particular imaginary sky-friend and then clothe that bullshit in the flag and then act and speak as though my desire to be left the fuck alone and not have religious dogma shoved down my throat like I’m a two-dollar whore (you know the kind, Newt) in a cheap porno constitutes some grave “threat” to America.

In short: Newt, you can have a nice, steaming, ginormous cup of Shut the Fuck Up along with a plate of Get the Fuck Outta Here With That Bullshit.

*Word to the wise: as they say, how he left his previous wife is how he’s gonna leave you. So, Wifey #3, you better get ready for some epic karma.

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