Five-Minute Celebrity Apprentice: “Unhappy Campers” March 21, 2011Posted by Skippy in Celebrity Apprentice.
Donald Trump: This is Trump Soho! It’s awesome! Everything I do is awesome!
Audience: Who gives a shit?
Donald Trump: Your task is to trick out an RV and annoy New Yorkers. Choose your leaders!
The Men: Gary Busey! You’re crazy!
Gary Busey: To infinity and beyond!
The Women: Nikki Taylor! You’re kinda sweet.
Nikki Taylor: Aw, you guys. I promise to have no vision whatsoever.
Marcus the Camping World Dude: Whatever you teams do, you MUST WHORE OUT THE NAME CAMPING WORLD. Seriously. CAMPING. WORLD.
Gary Busey: Starfarts unicorn the rainbows!
Nikki Taylor: Um, our vision is “21st century camping.” I will immediately forget my own vision and constantly repeat “20th century camping.”
John Rich: Hey, guys, here’s this country-ish ditty I just threw together for our task.
Jose Canseco: I hate it. And I hate every idea you will ever have.
Richard Hatch: It sucks.
Meat Loaf: Guys…
Richard Hatch: Let me finish. Not only does the song suck, but so does everyone who listens to country music!
John Rich: I will put my country foot up your fucking asses.
Mark McGrath: Gary, can I get money for plants?
Richard Hatch: Gary, can I get money for shrubs?
Gary Busey: RRAAARH!!
Nikki Taylor: Ok, so we’re at Camping World and we can buy stuff to decorate the RVs. Let’s just buy everything.
Star Jones: Shouldn’t we have a vision?
Nikki Taylor: Isn’t “20th Century camping” enough of a vision?
Star Jones: It’s the 21st century, dear.
Nikki Taylor: Everyone’s a critic.
Star Jones: I’m a lawyer!
Nikki Taylor: Whatever. Hope and I are going to go eat our first meals ever and hang out with a “graphic artist.” Dionne, could you make yourself useful and go with Latoya to both Home Depot and Bed Bath and Beyond just before they close?
Dionne Warwick: I’ll go when I’m damned good and ready.
Gary Busey: There will be cake and ice cream!! RAAAARH!
Blair Underwood: I am ponderously pondering ponderous events…
Audience: Shut up.
Nikki Taylor: Ok, so this is a 20th century camping experience…here you have running water, electricity…
Annoyed New Yorkers: Uh, ain’t this the 21st century?
Nikki Taylor: …
Dionne Warwick: Why the hell is that bitch Hope doing what I am supposed to be doing?
Nikki Taylor: I really don’t want drama, Dionne—
Dionne Warwick: I got your number, hussy.
Marcus the Camping World Dude: Where the fuck is CAMPING WORLD, ladies? CAMPING WORLD! CAMPING! WORLD! Oh, fuck it. I’m gonna see how the guys are doing.
John Rich: Twangy country twangy tear in my beer CAMPING WORLD!
Marcus the Camping World Dude: Ten points for Gryffindor! But what’s behind this CAMPING WORLD banner?
Meat Loaf: Um, more points for Gryffindor?
Marcus the Camping World Dude: A fucking TV, you morons! Ten points from Gryffindor!
Donald Trump: Latoya, I heard that you were able to recite facts!
Latoya Jackson: I’m so awesome!
Nikki Taylor: Yes, everyone was awesome! Marlee did a great job on the bedroom!
Donald Trump: BAMP CHICKA BAMP BAMP!
Marlee Matlin: Is there anything you won’t turn into a double-entendre?
Donald Trump: Here’s one: Marcus the RV Dude hated what you did. The women lost.
The Men: Woo hoo!!
Gary Busey: The men are allied against me. It’s an alliance to rebel. You might even call it a Rebel Alliance. And Lil Jon is their General Ackbar.
Lil Jon: YEAAH–wait. What? Fucker, are you crazy?
Nikki Taylor: You guys, I’m far too sweet and famished to get into a debate about who should go home—
Donald Trump: That’s very sweet. You’re fired!