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Five-Minute Celebrity Apprentice: “Child’s Play” March 15, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Celebrity Apprentice.
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Donald Trump: I love Madison Square Garden! It’s awesome!
Eric Trump: What does that have to do with this task?
Donald Trump: Shut up, Ugly Son! Anyway, you teams need to write and perform a children’s book. Choose your project leaders! NOW!
The Men: Meat Loaf! You’re awesome!
Jose Canseco: Grumble, grumble, must have ‘roids…
The Women: Lisa Rinna! You suck!
Lisa Rinna: Aw, you guys…are you setting me up to be fired?
Star Jones: No, not at all—
Dionne Warwick: That’s what friends are for!
Star Jones: You’re going to do that every week, aren’t you?

The Task
Jose Canseco: Meat Loaf give wrong directions! Jose smash!!
Meat Loaf: Whatever. Our children’s book is about Lil Jon being an outcast. We completely ignored the fact that, in the play we’ll put on, it’ll look like we’re a bunch of racists.
Lil’ Jon: YEAAAAH!!
Lisa Rinna: Our children’s book is about—
Marlee Matlin: It should be about a deaf child who is—
Dionne Warwick: Shut up, you fool.
Marlee Matlin: …what?
Dionne Warwick: You heard me—oh, wait. You didn’t .
Star Jones: *snicker*
NeNe Leakes: Damn, these women are hardcore! And Dionne can play the Elderly card!
Meat Loaf: Jose, you have to play the female teacher.
Jose Canseco: Grumble, grumble, NEED ROIDS!
Meat Loaf: I’ll take that as a “yes.”
Lisa Rinna: LaToya Jackson, I need you to play LaToya the Lion.
LaToya: blink. Blink.
Lisa Rinna: I’ll take that as a “yes.”

The Play
NeNe Leakes: I’m a chicken!
LaToya Jackson: I’m a lion!
Star Jones: I’m a lawyuh!
Lisa Rinna: I’m a loser.
Kids in Audience: You’re the scary bad man in the park?
Jose Canseco: NEED. ROIDS. Oh, and Lil Jon, it’s okay to be shy.
Lil Jon: YEAAAAAH!!!
Audience at home: What the fuck is this shit?

The Boardroom
Donald Trump: Lisa, I really like your lips! Don’t get a tattoo!
Audience at home: No, seriously. What the fuck is this shit?
Donald Trump: So. Who sucked?
The Men: We were all Awesome!
The Women: Well, Lisa kinda sucked.
Eric Trump: Why is that?
Donald Trump: Shut up, Ugly! By the way, the men won.
The Men: Yay!
Jose Canseco: Roids!
Donald Trump: Time for the Boardroom. Ok, so Lisa, you brought Star and Dionne. Why? Did they suck equally?
Don Trump, Jr.: Also, why aren’t they taking responsibility for sucking?
Donald Trump: Well said, Blessed Fruit of My Loins.
Eric Trump: Seriously?
Lisa Rinna: I know I fucked up, but I tried really hard! These women made it impossible to get the task done!
Dionne: Keep smiling, keep shining…
Star: As a lawyuh, I know how to get shit done. And how to sabotage the fuck out of some duck-lipped moron.
Donald Trump: Lisa, we tried to help you, but you’re too stupid to see we were giving you an out. You’re fired!