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Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Reunion, Part 2” February 21, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
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Last Week: NeNe was offended!

Back at the Georgia Aquarium, Andy says that this was the season of sex talk. He claims that Kandi is a sex freak and now we go to clips Kandi talking talking talking about sex. At least she says that she talks about sex since she’s not getting it. Andy asks her what her “freak number” is and she says it’s about 8 or 9. Since I don’t know what the scale of measurement is, I don’t really care. Andy asks what Fakedra’s freak number is, and she responds that hers is 8 or 9 too. She claims that because she has a hot piece of ass, she’s open to doing any and everything to keep that HPoA from straying. Some fool asks if Kandi knows what her mom’s freak number is. Moving on, Fakedra says she never talks about sex with Pastor Mom. Well, duh. NeNe is surprisingly prudish about sex. Andy acts surprised. Kim got the sex talk from her parents…but she didn’t get much in the way of relationship advice. Andy tries to ask Kandi about who she got her freak on with, and Kandi’s all, “I’m not going to tell you shit.”

Stupid email from Carmen: “Should you talk about sugar in the va-jay-jay? Gross!” Fakedra says some bullshit. Andy observes that Fakedra likes strippers. Hell, if they’re hot, so do I. Back to the freak numbers, we find out that Cynthia is as frigid as the North Pole.

Now, we turn to Sheree’s delusions concerning her acting career. Clips! Unfortunately, these clips involve a certain fake-ass non-doctor with a landing strip in his hairline. She says she never saw proof of the fake-ass non-doctor’s alleged Ph.D. ‘Cause he ain’t got one. Kim says that some of the Atlanta Falcons like Sheree. Anyhoodle, talk turns to Sheree’s snatched up Aston Martin. Google it. I haven’t the energy to describe the foolishness. The subject turns to donations to Sheree’s dancing charity whatever. Mercifully, we go to commercial.

Andy says that all the women have very different parenting styles. Clips, and I have absolutely zero interest. I don’t like children. Can we get to the drama, already? NeNe comments on her reading Brice and says it’s “black parenting.” She doesn’t want to be her child’s friend. Kim says that there’s a time to be a parent and there’s a time to be a friend. NeNe comments on Brice’s bullshit. Kandi comments that she wants her child to have a closer relationship to her father. Kandi and Kim have similar situations concerning their children and the fathers of those children. Cynthia also has a unique relationship with Leon, the Has-Been Actor. She claims that Noelle gets on fine with Peter. At least someone does. Blah, blah, blah, more conversation about fucked up relationships with fucked up people. Again, commercials are a relief.

“Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” is awesome. That is all.

When we return, we turn to Fakedra’s lying froggishness about her damn due date. For that, we turn to the tape! Sheree: “I’m thinking ‘Bitch, you don’t know when you got knocked up?’” When she wasn’t ACTING!, she was pretty awesome. After the clips, Andy asks Fakedra if she knew the due date. She claims that she had a lot of problems with the pregnancy, and then she immediately turns it back on everybody else. Fakedra is the queen of projection. Sheree calls Fakedra on her lying. Kim says that ultrasounds tell you to the day. Fakedra says that…um, she’s saying she had some fertility issues. Some fool emails that Fakedra needs to “come clean, already.” Fakedra says she might have been a month pregnant when she got married. Well, duh, already.

Anyway, clips of Hot Piece of Ass! Unfortunately, they’re marred by aphorisms from Fakedra.

Fakedra claims that NeNe talked more about HPoA than anybody. Regina from Dallas: please spell out what Apollo was convicted of. Racketeering—just Google Apollo. Damn. Some other fool tries to intimate that HPoA and Lawrence had fucked…just because HPoA was in prison. Silliness. Commercials. Next up: SCREAMING!

Little Red Riding Hood has been turned into an angsty teen sex romp? Boring.

INTERSTITIAL of BORING: Andy asks questions about the stupid pregnancy photoshoot. Fakedra says it wasn’t about perversion with pickles. She likes pictures. So do I, as long as she ain’t in them.

Ye gods, this “reunion” is boring. I keep looking at my clock hoping that we’re close to being done here.
Andy brings up the music drama between Kim and Kandi. To the tape, Jeeves! I’m running out of ways to say that they cut to clips. Anyway, the Bus Tour from HELL is also part of the clip show, but the real drama here is about the money. Kandi says they’re working out the money situation for the Song of the One Ring of Doom. A question is asked about Kim’s non-singing ability. Camera cuts to NeNe and she has a look of utter disdain on her face. Awesome. Phaedra says Kim clearly has “curb appeal.” Kandi estimates that “Tardy for the Party” made at least eighty to a hundred thousand dollars. She is clearly pissed with Kim. The lesson here is to not do business with friends.

Andy asks Kim how she’s going to make this situation right. Kim really doesn’t know. Andy asks Kim who was more responsible for the success of TftP, and Kim acts like she doesn’t know. Kim is irritated that she’s coming off looking like the bad guy here. Cynthia dissolves the tension by saying that she’ll draw up a friend contract.

Ah, the Big Drama: Kim vs. NeNe, Round 2. Kandi calls it: “They’ll be back at it soon enough.” They haven’t spoken since the Bus Tour from HELL. NeNe says that she got upset because she hates verbal abuse. NeNe blames Kim for “hitting below the belt.” A lot of crosstalk happens; it ends up with NeNe calling Kim a victim.
Andy asks Sheree what all this Kim v. NeNe is about. She thinks it goes deeper than this alleged “race” business. Kim tells NeNe that she is verbally abusive and that she uses her size to intimidate others. NeNe says she hates that she had to “stoop to such a trash level.” Someone should tell her that she didn’t have to stoop. But she isn’t thinking about apologizing to Kim.

What’s Next?
Sheree: She By Sheree aint dead. It just looks like it.
Phaedra: Wants to buy a funeral home. The dead don’t complain.
Kandi: Her CD is awesome. She wants a line of sex toys.
Cynthia: Divorce! Nah, she wants to open a modeling school.
Kim: Her wig line is finally here. As is her meal ticketbaby.
NeNe: Extending her fifteen minutes of fame by being on “Celebrity Apprentice” and braying at Star Jones.

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