jump to navigation

The Galaxies of the Pisces Constellation February 28, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Space.
Tags:
add a comment

Behold the Awesomeness:

(click on picture to supersize)
via io9

Real Housewives of Miami: “Paradise Cost” February 26, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
add a comment

The plague that is the Real Housewives of Wherever continues apace. This fresh hell finds us in Miami, as we will now follow the vapid lives of several “housewives.”

Fig. 1: Hey, ladies!

We begin our descent into a sun-dappled hell with someone saying that Miami is a hot city and people don’t wear a lot of clothes. The vibe is free and sexual and a cultural playground for rich people. It’s loud and flashy! A non-stop party!
Our cast of characters:
Larsa: Scottie Pippen’s (you remember him, don’t you?) wife. She claims to run everything.
Cristy: Is keeping it real.
Adriana: Speaks five languages (including dolphin and Klingon, no doubt)but claims to use mental telepathy in order to snag a man.
Marysol: Is a PR person. The spotlight always finds her.
Alexia: Beauty is a curse upon the world—no, wait. She claims it’s power, if you know how to use it.
Lea: She doesn’t care what you think of her. Good. Because I already hate her.

We begin with the Hated Lea as she’s helping Natalie Cole buy a bag. Um, alllllrighty then. Anyway, she says that she gravitates towards outrageous or eccentric people. Like Natalie Cole, some rapper and garishly dressed women.
And Dennis Rodman.
In other words, she’s a damn drama queen.
At Chez Drama, we find out that she’s originally from Texas, and met her hubby when she did jury duty on a high profile trial. I bet there were some shenanigans there. Anyway, we get a video tour of their garishly over-appointed house. She likes to get people drunk at her parties. Like I said, I hate her already.

Larsa is Lebanese/Syrian. She wants you to know that. Anyway, we see her husband Scottie Pippen, former NBA player (you didn’t know that, did you?) finish doing yoga. Larsa says they like having a boat in the backyard. They have four kids, one of whom is named Justin, allegedly dominates the house…and plays with dolls. He is bursting out, let me tell y’all. She says she does pretty much everything—she cooks, she cleans, she built the house with her bare hands. She goes shoe shopping. She wants to help people. She wants to feed orphans in Calcutta—she heard there was a job opening in that area.

Adriana is having a good life. She speaks Spanish to her servant and tells Frederic the Fiancee that she has a very busy day. She says her calling is art, even though she went to law school. Translation: she washed out of law school. She knew Frederic when she was married and claims that he had a crush on her…mm hm. No hanky panky there, I betcha betcha! She claims that she is the Queen of Miami. I think Dennis Rodman or Justin Pippen would contest that claim.

Larsa’s brother and sister are in town. What do you do when family visits? You go to a gun range, of course! Larsa wants to know how to shoot a gun in order to keep a certain former NBA player in line. She won’t be no damn Juanita Jordan! Commercials!

When we come back, it’s time to see what this Cristy is up to. She’s on the beach with some other women. She was born and raised in Miami. She’s Cuban-American and claims to be turning 29. For the third or tenth time, I bet. She claims that Cubans built Miami. She was married for eleven years…to an NBA player. What is this, Basketball Wives? Seriously, that show is awesomely trashy. Anyway, she and this ex-NBA player hate each other like poison.

Oh, shit, Cristy has a psychic. Fuck me. Anyway, the woo-peddler says something about the alignment of the planets and the mutation of the neutrinos and it’s 2012 and the world is destroyed, but the psychic missed all that, so we’re screwed.

Miami Fashion Week! Who cares! Apparently, most Miamians don’t really care about Fashion Week—well, hell, why would they, since they don’t apparently wear clothes. I’m having a hard time telling these women apart. Oh, shit, hot dudes modeling swimwear! Dammit, Andy Cohen, know your fucking audience! I don’t care about these ho’wives—I want more male models in speedos!

Anyway, the women meet the fashion designer (who probably got to sleep with at least two of the models). These women are clearly playing to the cameras. Adriana walks the catwalk, to the chagrin of Larsa and Cristy. This is so completely manufactured. Nobody there give a flying shit that some nimrod walked a catwalk after the show is over. Commercials!

Alex Pettyfer is pretty. That is all.

When we return, Alexia is working out. She too was born and raised in Miami. She’s a Cuban Barbie. But more anatomically correct, I’m assuming. She goes shopping with her jailbait wannabe model son Peter. The other son Frankie is “sweet and expressive” and has an interest in shoes. He’ll probably counsel Justin Pippen on coming out of the closet in about ten years. Peter doesn’t know what “grass fed” means. Oh, honey. It’s good he’s planning on being a model. She and her current husband Herman own some magazine of some sort. Good luck with that in this economy! Anyway, she says that “it works” with her being married to Old Herman. It works because he’s loaded.

Anyway, Larsa and the two other ho’wives go to some beautiful old “members only” club. I like Larsa. I’m sure that when Justin comes out, she’s totally joining and then taking over PFLAG. The members-only club has two producer placed homosexuals who pretend to hit on the women. Larsa is having none of it. Y’know, I like her. She wants to go home, while Adriana and Cristy want to get their swerve on. Homosexual #1 tries to hit on Larsa. She tells him that she’s married. He asks if she’s happy. She says yes, and he says it’s not normal. “All the people I know that are married they are not happy anymore.” Larsa responds with, “I’m so happy, I want to get home. Nice seeing you.” BURN! Homosexual #1 takes it in stride as he and Homosexual #2 perform a gay manwich with Adriana on the dancefloor.

Marysol has a PR firm called the Patton Group. It’s an all woman-firm. She walks into a conference room and the women all look at her with utter fear and loathing on their faces. I wonder if they hate her. She’s also a native Miamian and her father’s “American” and her mother’s Cuban. She has lunch with her gay friends Frank and David. They comment on her boobs. She claims that she’s anti-plastic surgery. I don’t believe her for a nanosecond. She got divorced eleven years ago and noticed younger men wanting a piece o’that. She snagged one named Philippe. He’s okay looking. He’s no Hot Piece of Ass, but he’ll do. The title card claims that he’s Marysol’s “boyfriend,” but both Marysol and Philippe have wedding rings on. Whuck?

Back at Alexia’s, Jailbait Model Peter saunters into the kitchen. Alexia claims to be her kids’ friend. She badgers him about eating healthy. Great. You know boys can get eating disorders too, Alexia. JMPeter is going on some stupid cruise and spent $300 on it. She interviews that drinking is social and she has a more European view of young people drinking. She is clearly making excuses for our little jailbait. JMPeter talks some bullshit. NeNe Leakes needs to show up and regulate.

Interstitial! Adriana plays some stupid food game with her son Alex.

Marysol visits her drunk mother. Elsa has also had some work done; she looks like Joceyln Wildenstein. Marysol says that drunk Elsa does spiritual counseling. Good lord. I bet I could make a killing. Anyway, Marysol consults drunk Elsa about Philippe. Drunk Elsa keeps drinking from a giant wine glass. I need to find a wine glass that big. Drunk Elsa wants to know how Philippe is in the bed. Marysol doesn’t want to have this conversation. Drunk Elsa says that she isn’t a Victorian! Tell her how big the pinga is, dammit! Drunk Elsa wants to know what his energy is like. The ways she says “energy,” I’m sure she actually means “pinga.”

Oh, great. Lea. She has some chef over because she’s going to host “her girlfriends.” She thinks that teaching them to cook will be informative as well as fun. Marysol has known Lea for years. Why didn’t you kill it with fire, then?!? One by one, the women show up to Lea’s Den. Larsa asks if the women want to go horseback riding. Lea nixes that suggestion with a quickness. Oh, I’m sure if she suggested it, it would be the bee’s knees. She shows the women how much she loves them by being on her BlackBerry. Didn’t I say that I hate her?

Adriana says that Lea is the kind of person you love or hate. Got it. By the way, hate her. The poor chef tries to wrangle these women together to teach them something about cooking. Shouldn’t Larsa be teaching them, since she also does all the cooking for her bajillion kids and Scottie Pippen, ex-NBA player? Chef Kinda Cute is banished to wherever as the women eat and talk about marriage and kids. Lea instigates shit when she asks when and if Adriana will ever get married to Frederic. She’s this show’s Cynthia Bailey. Adriana tells a story about Hurricane Katrina and her former husband…and the woman who also claimed to be his wife who called her. AWKWARD! Commercials!

Back to Adriana’s Tale of Woe, the wife of Roberto claims that they have children. The women all love this tale. Larsa says a woman who manages all the money will never lose their man. I…guess. Lea claims that when she met Adriana and Alex, they were…poor? Anyway, she alleges she adopted Adriana—or “collected” her, as she loves to do with other people. Of course Lea and Adriana like each other; they’re drama queens.

Soap Operas Are Not a Land of Diversity February 22, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Popular Culture, Racism, Rants.
Tags: , ,
1 comment so far

I am in a car dealership getting my oil changed. As I sit in the waiting room, the television is tuned to the local ABC affiliate and I, for the first time ever, am watching an episode of “General Hospital.” And so far, I’ve seen all of ONE African American on the show…and I think her name is “Epiphany.” She is portrayed by a dark-skinned African American woman of some size, and in her only scene so far, functioned only to console some white woman about her kid’s paternity or some such. Here is her character’s description:

Strong, tell-it-like-it-is Epiphany Johnson is a well-known zaftig figure around General Hospital. As a head nurse at General Hospital, everyone receives the same treatment from her – blunt. No doctor, nurse, surgeon or patient or visitor is immune from being taken to task by Epiphany if he or she is doing something wrong.

The great joy of Epiphany’s life was her son, Stanford, whom everyone called Stan. Stan worked for Sonny Corinthos, and not only did Epiphany not approve, but she felt he was wasting his electrical and technical talents. However, she never gave up on her boy. Stan died in 2007, the result of a mob hit as Epiphany was speaking with him on the telephone.

As a result, Epiphany suffered a heart attack in the hospital locker room area shortly after she received her son’s ashes. Today she is fully recovered and as feisty as always.

Frak me sideways. I don’t even know where to begin with this character. Oh, wait. I do.


Fig. 1: What us gon’ do, Sonny Corinthos?

Look, I realize that soap operas are not in any way accurate representations of the real world—I mean, I watch “Young and the Restless,” and if Genoa City were real, there would be some basic problems with the structure of the known universe. That’s a town where you can get from a coffeehouse to a ranch in 2.5 seconds on some days, and on other days it takes a whole episode. Oh, and you can run a multinational conglomerate with a high school education. And people come back from the dead with such regularity, Jesus could roll into town and everyone would say, “Meh. What else you got?”

So, yeah, I get it. These are purely romantic fantasies aimed squarely at women. But damn, really? We’re still trotting out the Mammy stereotype? In frakkin’ 2011? We’re squarely in the 21st century and we’ve still got tired 19th century stereotypes like Mammy, Jezebel and the Black Brute running through popular culture? Oh, have we got a long way to go.

Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Reunion, Part 2” February 21, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
add a comment

Last Week: NeNe was offended!

Back at the Georgia Aquarium, Andy says that this was the season of sex talk. He claims that Kandi is a sex freak and now we go to clips Kandi talking talking talking about sex. At least she says that she talks about sex since she’s not getting it. Andy asks her what her “freak number” is and she says it’s about 8 or 9. Since I don’t know what the scale of measurement is, I don’t really care. Andy asks what Fakedra’s freak number is, and she responds that hers is 8 or 9 too. She claims that because she has a hot piece of ass, she’s open to doing any and everything to keep that HPoA from straying. Some fool asks if Kandi knows what her mom’s freak number is. Moving on, Fakedra says she never talks about sex with Pastor Mom. Well, duh. NeNe is surprisingly prudish about sex. Andy acts surprised. Kim got the sex talk from her parents…but she didn’t get much in the way of relationship advice. Andy tries to ask Kandi about who she got her freak on with, and Kandi’s all, “I’m not going to tell you shit.”

Stupid email from Carmen: “Should you talk about sugar in the va-jay-jay? Gross!” Fakedra says some bullshit. Andy observes that Fakedra likes strippers. Hell, if they’re hot, so do I. Back to the freak numbers, we find out that Cynthia is as frigid as the North Pole.

Now, we turn to Sheree’s delusions concerning her acting career. Clips! Unfortunately, these clips involve a certain fake-ass non-doctor with a landing strip in his hairline. She says she never saw proof of the fake-ass non-doctor’s alleged Ph.D. ‘Cause he ain’t got one. Kim says that some of the Atlanta Falcons like Sheree. Anyhoodle, talk turns to Sheree’s snatched up Aston Martin. Google it. I haven’t the energy to describe the foolishness. The subject turns to donations to Sheree’s dancing charity whatever. Mercifully, we go to commercial.

Andy says that all the women have very different parenting styles. Clips, and I have absolutely zero interest. I don’t like children. Can we get to the drama, already? NeNe comments on her reading Brice and says it’s “black parenting.” She doesn’t want to be her child’s friend. Kim says that there’s a time to be a parent and there’s a time to be a friend. NeNe comments on Brice’s bullshit. Kandi comments that she wants her child to have a closer relationship to her father. Kandi and Kim have similar situations concerning their children and the fathers of those children. Cynthia also has a unique relationship with Leon, the Has-Been Actor. She claims that Noelle gets on fine with Peter. At least someone does. Blah, blah, blah, more conversation about fucked up relationships with fucked up people. Again, commercials are a relief.

“Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” is awesome. That is all.

When we return, we turn to Fakedra’s lying froggishness about her damn due date. For that, we turn to the tape! Sheree: “I’m thinking ‘Bitch, you don’t know when you got knocked up?’” When she wasn’t ACTING!, she was pretty awesome. After the clips, Andy asks Fakedra if she knew the due date. She claims that she had a lot of problems with the pregnancy, and then she immediately turns it back on everybody else. Fakedra is the queen of projection. Sheree calls Fakedra on her lying. Kim says that ultrasounds tell you to the day. Fakedra says that…um, she’s saying she had some fertility issues. Some fool emails that Fakedra needs to “come clean, already.” Fakedra says she might have been a month pregnant when she got married. Well, duh, already.

Anyway, clips of Hot Piece of Ass! Unfortunately, they’re marred by aphorisms from Fakedra.

Fakedra claims that NeNe talked more about HPoA than anybody. Regina from Dallas: please spell out what Apollo was convicted of. Racketeering—just Google Apollo. Damn. Some other fool tries to intimate that HPoA and Lawrence had fucked…just because HPoA was in prison. Silliness. Commercials. Next up: SCREAMING!

Little Red Riding Hood has been turned into an angsty teen sex romp? Boring.

INTERSTITIAL of BORING: Andy asks questions about the stupid pregnancy photoshoot. Fakedra says it wasn’t about perversion with pickles. She likes pictures. So do I, as long as she ain’t in them.

Ye gods, this “reunion” is boring. I keep looking at my clock hoping that we’re close to being done here.
Andy brings up the music drama between Kim and Kandi. To the tape, Jeeves! I’m running out of ways to say that they cut to clips. Anyway, the Bus Tour from HELL is also part of the clip show, but the real drama here is about the money. Kandi says they’re working out the money situation for the Song of the One Ring of Doom. A question is asked about Kim’s non-singing ability. Camera cuts to NeNe and she has a look of utter disdain on her face. Awesome. Phaedra says Kim clearly has “curb appeal.” Kandi estimates that “Tardy for the Party” made at least eighty to a hundred thousand dollars. She is clearly pissed with Kim. The lesson here is to not do business with friends.

Andy asks Kim how she’s going to make this situation right. Kim really doesn’t know. Andy asks Kim who was more responsible for the success of TftP, and Kim acts like she doesn’t know. Kim is irritated that she’s coming off looking like the bad guy here. Cynthia dissolves the tension by saying that she’ll draw up a friend contract.

Ah, the Big Drama: Kim vs. NeNe, Round 2. Kandi calls it: “They’ll be back at it soon enough.” They haven’t spoken since the Bus Tour from HELL. NeNe says that she got upset because she hates verbal abuse. NeNe blames Kim for “hitting below the belt.” A lot of crosstalk happens; it ends up with NeNe calling Kim a victim.
Andy asks Sheree what all this Kim v. NeNe is about. She thinks it goes deeper than this alleged “race” business. Kim tells NeNe that she is verbally abusive and that she uses her size to intimidate others. NeNe says she hates that she had to “stoop to such a trash level.” Someone should tell her that she didn’t have to stoop. But she isn’t thinking about apologizing to Kim.

What’s Next?
Sheree: She By Sheree aint dead. It just looks like it.
Phaedra: Wants to buy a funeral home. The dead don’t complain.
Kandi: Her CD is awesome. She wants a line of sex toys.
Cynthia: Divorce! Nah, she wants to open a modeling school.
Kim: Her wig line is finally here. As is her meal ticketbaby.
NeNe: Extending her fifteen minutes of fame by being on “Celebrity Apprentice” and braying at Star Jones.

Your Daily Dose of Awesomeness February 18, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Comics, Movies, Observations.
Tags: , ,
1 comment so far


Fig. 1. Well, hello, Thor!

Children, you all know that I am a DC Comics partisan. I know the DC Universe inside and out, backwards and forwards. I consider DC Comics to be the Olympian Gods, while I consider Marvel to be…well, soapy. And I don’t mean that in a complimentary way. This opinion has, generally, extended to these comics companies’ respective movie franchises. While I’ll go see a “Spider-Man” movie, it’s usually out of a perfunctory fanboyishness that I do so rather than out of a deep devotion; in other words, I can go see “Iron Man” once and be happy. If it’s a Superman movie, count on me going to see it enough times to make the people at the movie theater know me on a first name basis.

I think Thor might change that. Seriously. That trailer is twenty kinds of awesome—and no, I’m not saying that just because there are two shots of Chris Hemsworth in all of his shirtless, muscular glory…although that’s part of it. Who are you to judge me? Anyway, it looks like a Big, Loud, Fun Summer Movie. The kind of summer superhero movie that a certain movie of five years ago should have been.

Fig. 2: Dammit, for the last time, Superman Returns’s suckitude wasn’t my fault!

Anyway, this is the first time I’ve ever said this, but I cannot wait for a Marvel comics movie to come out.

A Random Observation: Darren Criss and Overexposure February 15, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Gay and Lesbian Issues, Observations, Popular Culture.
add a comment

Darren Criss is not a model. He should stop trying.

Children, I present some evidence:

You can see more of these at Tom and Lorenzo’s blog. Now, I realize that since “Teenage Dream,” Darren Criss has, shall we say, blown up. He’s the “It Boy.” He’s here, there and everywhere…

…and frankly, it’s getting tiresome. It’s getting even more tiresome since it appears that his character Blaine isn’t even romantically interested in babygay Kurt. The frak is up with that? But that’s kinda beside the point—I just wanted to throw that out there. Anyway, this much overexposure surely can’t be good—I understand this whole milking of one’s fifteen minutes, but trotting him out for every damn magazine (in this case, OUT Magazine—I’ll rant about them in a minute) is annoying.

Also annoying is OUT Magazine trying to sex this boy up. He can’t give you sexy or smoldering. Cute, he can do. Smoldering? Well, you see those pictures. He looks like he’s doing his first day of a ten-year sentence at San Quentin. Plus, I’m tired of magazines like OUT interviewing hetero actors who “play gay.” I swear, each actor speaks as though he’s doing something revolutionary and completely unheard of in the history of ACTING. Frankly, it’s as tiresome as that photospread.

Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Reunion, Part 1” February 14, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Real Housewives.
add a comment

Children, a hot mess is as a hot mess does.

Well, let’s get this crazy started, shall we? Apparently, this reunion is at the Georgia Aquarium—I’m supposing that this is appropriate, in some way. Andy Cohen says it’s like being in a shark tank. Shut up, Andy. Kandi looks fabulous. She redid her hair and doesn’t look like a cockatoo.

Andy asks Sheree if she’s close to an Oscar. Puhlease. Not unless she’s fucking a guy named Oscar. For some reason, the first montage is about these women and their breasts and asses. So we get a lot of recaps of that, and Kim’s phasering fat off her ass. NeNe says she’s happy with her nose job. Andy says that people on the Internet said shit about NeNe’s nose. NeNe says she’s all her. Whatever. Andy turns to Kim and asks her about the phasering of fat. Boring answer. Next up, Phaedra gives us her taxonomy of asses. I’m sure Georgia Tech will be calling her to give lectures. Andy asks Cynthia about modeling swimsuits and her ass and she gets weirdly defensive and says that the women should model a swimsuit and receive her critiques. Andy the Shitstirrer then asks Kim about her boob job and whether Kroy likes em. I’m pretty sure he does. For now.

Stupid question to Sheree from Beth from Yuma: “Your arms look extra-masculine. Ew! Icky!”
Stupid question to Kim from Dana from Hot Springs, AR: “What is your real age, you dilapidated fossil?” Andy tells Kim she looks younger with no makeup on. Is this an actual conversation?
Claire from Maryland doesn’t have the sense god gave a mule and can’t recognize humor. Oh, and Claire? Your kids probably should never watch any Real Housewives shows. Americans are stupid. Commercials!

Andy indicts Kim as a bit of a slut when he says that he can’t keep up with Kim’s love life. Lots of flashbacks to Kim’s amorous amorousity. Kim slept with a woman and then met Kroy the Impregnator. His wallet dick changed her! They’ve been together nine months—a lifetime, really. Shit is stirred when Andy asks Phaedra if she’d like to inquire about the due date. Stupid shit occurs with a stupid psychic and more shit is stirred when Andy asks NeNe if she thinks that Kim and Kroy will go the distance. NeNe: “I really don’t care.” SHADE, bitch! Andy asks about the sex of the child, and cameras keep cutting to NeNe, who is just so over it. Poor NeNe. Someone call the NAACP. Kim denies that Big Poppa could be the father and fields a question about DJ Lesbian Tracy. Apparently, there’s just too much drama.
Andy asks some money questions and then directs them to Sheree. Sheree wisely says that basically Kim and Kroy are grown ass people. Seeing that he cannot incite fisticuffs, Andy asks Cynthia about her path to the wedding. Flashbacks! Basically, everyone around Cynthia thought that the worst thing in the world was Cynthia and Peter getting married. Hell, let’s add Cynthia to that mix as well. Anyway, Andy reopens old wounds by bringing up the maternal unit of the Greek Chorus and her objections. Cynthia says “It wasn’t easy.” Cynthia didn’t know that the Greek Chorus conspired to withhold her marriage license, but she defends the actions, saying it came from a good place. Wow. I guess she can’t say they’re totally envious, evil wenches.

Cynthia says she had proposals from men who had millions, but she chose to marry Peter. Andy asks if there was a prenup—yes, by the way. Phaedra says that all smart women should have one. Well, all righty then! Cynthia says that she and Leon No Lastname didn’t work well as a couple. Commercials—one of which is a sad, sad attempt by one of the Real Housewives from Orange County shilling for her sad assed cosmetics line…or something. Sad hobbit is sad.

Andy tries to prop up the foolish fiction that NeNe wanted Peter. NeNe jokes that she and Cynthia swapped husbands. She says she’s not a creeper or cheater. Kim gives all kinds of crazy face. Cynthia says that Peter and NeNe don’t really get along. That, I believe.

And now, we turn to the fucking frog, Phaedra. Her delusional, fake “southern belle” foolishness is put on display. She tries to defend saying that the Hot Piece of Ass has no taste because he was raised in a white household. She did ride horses! She looked like a human then. Anyways, she defends her boughetto baby shower. Kandi owned up that the baby shower was boughetto. Ha! I love Kandi. Anyway, it comes out that NeNe called Phaedra “Fake-dra.” Anyway, the foolishness turns to NeNe’s age, and Phaedra says that everybody in Athens knows everybody. Well, we see where next season’s drama will come from. Both women think they’re fabulous and ladylike, but think that the other woman is not. Can’t you just feel the love?

Interstitial of Hatred! NeNe tweeted that one of the castmembers was a transvestite. Oooh! Dramaturgic! Andy doesn’t know what “a hit dog will holler” means.

NeNe has had a dramatic season. All the men in her life were shitty. Flashbacks of shitty men, to wit, Dwight and Gregg. And then the shiftless layabout son Brice. And back to Gregg, he who dwells in the dungeon. She is still pursuing a divorce and Gregg has moved out of the dungeon. Perhaps he now lives in the moat? Andy asks if there was cheating, but NeNe says that there were many things that led to this divorce. Basically, he cheated, but she ain’t saying he cheated. Also, the “friendship” with Dwight is over. NeNe thinks that Dwight is a social climber, but Fakedra defends him.

Next up, Kim and Sweeeeeeetiiiiiiieeee!!! Oh, boy. Here go hell come. The Congress of Black Women (and Black Gay Famewhores) arrive to deliver Sweeeeeeetiiiiieeeee from her oppression. Sweetie has worked for Kim for eleven years. News flash! Kim has a book coming out. No word on whether there will be pop ups. Anyhoodle, Andy dredges up race and gender, and it’s as nuanced as you’d expect it would be. Cynthia tries to speak, but is overridden by Kim. Fakedra says that this country has had a troubled relationship with race. Shit, really? Fakedra says that we are sensitive because racism still exists. She’s actually making sense. Well, fuck me. Andy says that this show hasn’t talked about race. It also hasn’t talked about gender inequality or economic disparities.

They’re doing a Real Housewives of Miami? I guess they will make it to Tulsa, after all.

Anyway, NeNe is going on about how Big Poppa was mean to Sweetie. The Congress of Black Women apparently has appointed NeNe as the spokeswoman. Ain’t nobody overcoming here. NeNe casts her braying at Kim as her defending herself (and ALL BLACK WOMEN!) against Kim’s racist depredations. Well, it’s on, now! NeNe is offended, yo!

And that’s the end of part one. Happiness for all!

My Carefully Considered Thoughts on Valentine’s Day February 14, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Observations.
add a comment

It’s useless and stupid. Bah, humbug!

This Week In Netflix: “500 Days of Summer”(2009) February 13, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Movies.
Tags:
add a comment


Verdict: J’adore.

Finally! A romantic comedy that isn’t so heavily laden by typical Hollywood cliches that I want to stab kittens. As one of the taglines say, this is not a “love story,” but it is a story about love. About finding it, thinking that you’ve found it, losing it, hating what you lost, and moving on. Directed by Marc Webb and written by Scott Neustadter and Michael Weber, this “sleeper hit” is a virtually pitch-perfect film.

Tom (Joseph Gordon-Leavitt) is an employee at a greeting card company in L.A. It is at his job where he meets Summer (Zooey Deschanel). He is smitten, but Summer tells him that she isn’t looking for a serious or committed relationship. What’s compelling about this movie is that Tom sees what he wants to see—especially after he and Summer start dating. Isn’t that the way life is? We only see what we want to see, even if the person in question is telling us everything we need to know.

Anyway, the movie follows the five hundred days from the first time Tom and Summer meet, until their last meeting. We see Tom’s euphoria, confusion, heartbreak, anger, and acceptance. I think what makes this movie work is the nonlinear narrative at work. Unlike traditional rom-coms, this movie jumps around, occasionally presenting parallel days. One particularly humorous sequence is when the things that Tom initially loved about Summer turn to things he absolutely hated about her. Again, such are the highs and lows of love. The storytelling in this movie is quite superb—I do have to say that I wound up really hating Summer. Seriously; post break-up, she invites him to a party…which turns out to be her engagement party. This, of course, sends Tom into a downward spiral. Another thing I’d say that I didn’t like about this movie was Tom’s little sister; I thought it was too “cute” to have a world-weary middle-schooler telling an adult Tom about life. I could have done without that..

That said, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt continues to be an acting revelation. Between this and “Inception,” I’m dangerously close to becoming a fanboy and seeing anything he’s in just because he’s in it. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about Zooey Deschanel; actually, I spent the whole movie thinking that she’d be a perfect Lois Lane, because she really skirts the line between being adorable and being abominably unbearable. I can see why and how Gordon-Leavitt’s Tom would fall for Deschanel’s Summer.

Plus, how can you hate a movie that has this:

Fig. 1: If you haven’t had a day like this, then you’re just not human. Or even Cylon.

All in all, I love this movie. J’adore.

Question of the Day February 11, 2011

Posted by Skippy in Question of the Day.
add a comment

In what sick, twisted universe do Hollywood executives live in which they could possibly think that the viewing public would ever, EVER want another “Big Momma” movie?