Guess Who’s Superman?

Fig. 1: This guy.

So, children. Henry Cavill has been cast as Superman for the next Superman movie, scheduled to be released in 2012. Just in time for the end of the world! Already, Internet people are screaming that Tom Welling should have been cast as Superman, since he’s doing a bang-up job of playing a fucked-up version of Clark Kent on the terminally stupid “Smallville.” Other Internet people are grumbling that Brandon Routh should have gotten another go-round—after all, they reason, it wasn’t his fault that “Superman Returns” was as exciting as an Ambien with a Lunesta chaser!

Fig. 2: Bryan Singer: So, Brandon, give me your best Chris Reeve imitation–only make him moodier with a touch of stalker. Kevin, can you do a good Gene Hackman? Great. Oh, you want a script? Just watch “Superman: The Movie.” I’ll be back after I score some Aussie ass.

So, yeah. No Brandon Routh as Superman. Kind of a bummer, as I thought he was quite good—he wouldn’t win any Oscars, but since when has anyone won an Oscar for playing a superhero? Never, that’s when. I do happen to be one of those Internet people who wanted Routh to reprise the Clark Kent/Superman role. But I also wanted the next movie to completely ignore one nagging, irritating plot complication that Singer inexplicably wrote into “Superman Returns”:

Fig. 3: Um, Lois has a kid? By Superman? Whuck?

Frankly, I’m going to reserve judgment regarding this casting until two things happen:
a) Cavill gets in the gym and puts on some muscle. I’ve seen a couple of pictures of the guy and yes, he’s handsome. Facially, he’s (almost) a perfect choice to play the Man of Steel. However, he needs to bulk up a little. It shouldn’t be a problem—Reeve had to do the same thing.
b) We see Cavill in the Superman suit. That probably won’t happen for a year or so. In the meantime, I hope that they do not fuck with the uniform and turn it into another boring near-travesty.

In the meantime, I’m also hoping that they cast a grown woman to play Lois Lane, have Superman doing stuff that’s, y’know, SUPER, and do not abandon John Williams’s iconic score. There are some things you just don’t fuck with.