I Hate Oprah

And here’s why:

Fig. 1: Are you people crazy? Oh, wait. Yes. Yes, you are.

Now, let me be clear. I don’t hate Oprah Winfrey the human being. What I hate is the concept of Oprah Winfrey. I hate that Saint Oprah or Mother Oprah has become this cultish mother goddess who bestows gifts upon the benighted yet supplicant masses. I hate that her show has fostered this kind of mania—look at these people screaming and losing their shit over crap! Yes, it’s awesome that they’re getting a TV and a watch and a cruise, but come the fuck on! Saint Mother Oprah and her “favorite things” bullshit is only exacerbating a culture of narcissism and material acquisition.

Frankly, I couldn’t be happier that she’s going off the air. I am rather irritated that that doesn’t mean she’s leaving television altogether. Oh, no. No, she’s going to start her own damned network. Now, we’ve got the Oprah Winfrey Network, the appropriately acronymed OWN.

Fig. 2: A rainbow of bullshit.