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“This is Spiritual Warfare” (A Hit Dog Hollers, Part 6) September 30, 2010

Posted by Skippy in General Weirdness, Religion, Uncategorized.
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Fig. 1: It’s the Return of the Muscle Shirt!

Well, children, I suppose it had to happen. Eddie Long, cult leader pimp “pastor” of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Hotlanta has gone back to wearing that damned muscle shirt/vest combo.

On Tuesday night, he addressed his zombie-like crazed out their damn minds crackheaded faithful minions congregation for the second time about the charges of sexual misconduct leveled at him by four young men. As one might expect, the congregation of the foolish ate his “sermon” up. From what I heard, the sermon made no sense whatsoever. Seriously. It was a bunch of words strung together sprinkled with vague references to biblical passages and “Listen” or “You need to get this.” What the assemblage of sheep were supposed to get eludes me. He did say something about “this” being “spiritual warfare.” That is also ludicrous, but it “makes sense” within the context of charismatic churches. Basically, anything that freaks out charismatic evangelicals gets classified as “spiritual warfare.” Don’t like rap music? Spiritual warfare. Not too crazy about the gay couple who moved in next door? Spiritual warfare. Have a friend who doesn’t feel shame or dishonor after hooking up with some hot guy/girl and they won’t listen to your judgmental ranting? Spiritual warfare! Are you an inveterate homophobe and narcissist who abuses his authority in order to get nearly underage booty and got found out? Spiritual warfare!!

“Spiritual warfare” is basically the charismatic evangelical’s Blame Someone Else card. So when Long struts around the front of his church rattling off random bits of pseudo-religious nonsense, all he has to do to get his congregation of sheep to hoop and holler is claim that this is spiritual warfare, and they know what that means: blame the four young men, not Long.

Long’s hubris is out of control:

“You’re not touching me. You’re messing with a holy order that God is establishing, and God can handle Eddie Long,” he said.
He also reminded church members that God was in control.
“And I’m here to tell you whatever God spoke about me, whatever God said about me, it shall come to pass,” said Long.

Holy craplakistan. Seriously? What, pray tell, is this “holy order” that God is establishing? What does that even mean? And frankly, whenever someone starts going on with vague prophecies and talking about him or herself and God as though they’re running buddies, that should be a screaming, loud Red Alert.


Fig. 2: If they start handing out little cups of red liquid, head for the nearest exit.

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Comments»

1. Heidi - September 30, 2010

Amen!


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