Church of Fools (A Hit Dog Hollers, Part 5) September 26, 2010Posted by Skippy in Rants, Religion.
Tags: blights upon humanity, Eddie Long, hot ass mess, idiots, trainwrecks
Today was the big day for Eddie Long and the 25,000 members of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church. Today was the day that Long was supposed to respond to the allegations brought forward by four young men that he coerced sex from them and was in breach of his fiduciary responsibility to them.
I’m gonna go in on Long, and then I’m gonna go in on the 25,000 dumbasses cheering this pedophile on. And no, I don’t wanna hear anybody caterwauling “We don’t know if he’s guilty! Wait for the facts to come out!” A fool who hollers that would say the same thing even if there was a full-length sex tape out there.
If you missed the Hot Buttered Mess that was this so-called response, here it is:
Fig. 2. You’d have thought Jesus Christ himself had rolled up in there.
Fig. 3: What is that on your head??
Children, this morning was a hot mess. I was on Facebook getting blown UP by people who had watched that foolishness. I woke up too late to watch that shit, but thanks to the wonders of the Internet, there’s abundant video of that three-ring circus. Anyway, what nearly everyone I talked to said was, “Why didn’t he say, ‘I didn’t do it’ or ‘I didn’t have sex with those boys’?” In other words, what he didn’t say spoke volumes. He starts off with “I’m under attack.” An allegation isn’t an attack. You can twist this six ways to Sunday—and you tried with the first two boys, but you couldn’t assail the characters of numbers three and four. And that’s when your lawyers told you to shut the hell up. I have no doubt that those same lawyers helped you craft that twenty-minute “sermon.” Now, children, let’s be real: don’t nobody at New Birth ever preach a twenty-minute nothing. Hell, taking up collection probably comes with at least a thirty minute sermon. Those lawyers probably told Eddie, “Ok, fool, listen up. Don’t you get up there and start talking too much. Say you’re going to fight these charges, throw in something from that Bible of yours and sit your ass down.”
And can someone PLEASE tell him to do something about that ratty wig on his head?!? Children, that thing is just wrong. As wrong as the fool on whose head that thing sits atop.
Anyway, he obliquely addressed the allegations by saying that he’s not the man being portrayed on television. Um. Okay. He says “I am not a perfect man.” Um. What the hell does THAT mean? I ain’t perfect neither, but you can bet your bottom dollar that if four guys accused me of something I didn’t do, I’d be damned sure to say, “I didn’t do what they’re saying I did.” And then he invokes David versus Goliath. So…um…is he saying that four young men are Goliath and that he’s David? I guess I can go along with that: David was a scheming, conniving jackass too.
Now let me say a few words about the assemblage of fools. Watching these people lose their shit for nigh unto four full minutes (and I’m not counting the points at which they lost their shit again during Long’s sermon/announcement) astounded me. It was like watching a cult. The mass hysteria was just…well, insane. As I said above, you’d have thought that Jesus Christ himself had rolled up in there. But he didn’t, just some bloated, self-important troglodyte wearing a ridiculous jheri-curled toupee.
It’s this kind of cultish nonsense that makes me want to vomit. Now let me “go in” on these fools. You all treated this fool, this self-important fool like he was the best thing since doughnuts. Every word that falls out of his venomous mouth you take as gospel truth—as evidenced by the oft-heard “Bishop says…” You fools. And that’s exactly what y’all are: FOOLS. You’re fools for giving him your hard-earned money and thinking that some deity is going to “reward” you—you fell for a spiritual pyramid scheme, and the only one making out like a bandit is the bandit named Eddie L. Long.
And here’s what makes you New Birth fools even more foolish: you identified yourself so closely with that whited sepulcher, that you put popularity over principle and style over substance. You gave this fool a blank check and guess what he did with it? As Cadillac Kim put it, he “made it rain” with your money and turned out young men. And yet you showed up by the thousands, cheering this moron on like he was the offensive line of the Atlanta Falcons. Even if he didn’t do any of the things for which he’s being accused, you’re still 25,000 deep in foolishness for a) giving up your money to him, b) acting like he’s some “authority” that must be followed virtually without question and c) investing in that place and so-called pastor so much authority that you surrender your own intellect.
Case in point:
Fig. 4: Chain of fools.
Did y’all notice how the three couldn’t say anything of substance? This is cultish behavior. All they can say is how “Bishop” (did y’all catch that?) helped them (how?) and that they have a duty to “lift the arms of the prophet” (what does that even mean?) and that the “ministry has done so much for them” and that Long is a “true leader” and that his “word is so life changing.” Empty rhetoric and nonsense.
Before I go on, I do want to say that Don Lemon deserves nothing but respect for revealing that he too was a victim of pedophilia. That takes courage to reveal that on national television—and it takes even more courage to examine the pattern of pedophiles in connection to Long’s alleged actions.
Unfortunately, when confronted with that, listen to how these brainwashed children can’t even process the pattern of seduction, coercion and abuse. They’ve been so thoroughly indoctrinated by “Bishop,” that they seem virtually incapable of independent thought. I almost feel sorry for them. Their minds are so locked down, they can’t articulate a non-Bishop centered argument.
I’m spent. This has been ridiculous—and I have a feeling the foolishness is only going to get more foolish before it’s said and done. To the members of New Birth, I’m gonna leave y’all with some Aretha: