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Things I’ve Learned From Watching Lifetime, Television For Women, Part Deux August 17, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Culture, Observations, Popular Culture.

In a previous post, I told you all what I’ve learned about women by watching Lifetime, Television for Women and the Five Gays Who Still Like Reruns of “Will & Grace.” I learned that women are really obsessed about their hair, eyelashes, yogurt eating habits, and all wear Victoria’s Secret. Ladies, you live in a very weird world.

But hark! Commercials on Lifetime, Television for Women and the Five Gays Who Still Like Reruns of “Will & Grace” has something for the guys too! As commenter Darin noted,

Don’t forget that cleaning product advertising tells us that men are hairy, bumbling asshats who cannot use A) paper towels b) mops or even c) spray bottles.

They are large children and we ladies must clean up after them.

So, I present to you, my tens of readers, The Things I’ve Learned About (Heterosexual) Guys Via Lady-Oriented Commercials:

1. Men Are Bumbling Asshats
Men can’t be trusted to do anything. Ask a man to go to the grocery store to pick up salt, eggs, and flour? He’ll come back with sugar, a chicken, and rice. God forbid an asshat husband have to take care of his children:

Fig. 1: I’m surprised he had enough brainpower to walk upright.

2. Men Cannot Clean. ANYTHING.
Men of any age can’t clean. They don’t know how to do anything remotely having to do with washing anything. When they inevitably spill their glass of orange juice, they will stare at it as though it is a foreign substance from outer space. They will have no idea how to use the especially powerful paper towel that should have been used to sop up all the BP oil. Usually, men are responsible for creating egregious environmental domestic disasters that would require a Hazmat team to clean up:

Fig. 2: I bet these guys have to have their mothers and wives wipe their asses for them.

3. Men Don’t Give A Flying Shit About Their Kids
Not only can’t they be trusted to do the most simple of tasks, not only can they not wipe up simple spills, men cannot be trusted to choose the right peanut butter for their kids.

Fig. 3: Note the total absence of any adult male.

It’s as though these commercial makers think that no father has ever gone grocery shopping. The “choosy mom” trope isn’t just the province of the makers of Jif peanut butter. It’s the wheelhouse of every cleaning product, every processed food company. The notion is simple: men can’t be trusted to care enough about their children to even buy decent food for them.

The insidious stupidity of these commercials is harmful to both men and women. These commercials reinforce strict gender boundaries. While making fun of men, these commercials make concrete the notion that women are the rulers of the hearth and home and men should be only seen and never, ever heard. What these commercials don’t say is loud and clear: men are supposed to bring home the money as they are The Provider. The only thing they’re really supposed to do is provide the means for the woman to care for the 2.5 children and the dog Spot.

Fig. 4: Of course.



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