How NOT To Respond To Critique, Mr. Nice Guy July 29, 2010Posted by Skippy in General Weirdness, Observations, Rants.
Tags: hot ass mess, trainwrecks
Okay so earlier, I blogged about Andrew Cohen’s misbegotten attempt at—what was that, anyway? Well, let’s just call it a self-indulgent whine on the day of his ex’s wedding. So, a lot of people picked up on this and had fun with it—including his colleague, Lizzie Skurnick. In a humorous piece called “How Not To Congratulate Your Ex On Her Wedding Day,” Skurnick offered five logical rules for how not to be a total schmuck to your ex…and how not to embarrass yourself on the freakin’ Internet in the process.
Well, children. It seems Mr. Cohen was not pleased with a fellow journalist poking fun at his magnum opus. His response was as much a trainwreck as the missive which started this whole business:
I won’t embarrass you further (than you’ve already embarrassed yourself) by responding in public to your shrewish little column. I took down the Tweet because I realized it made me appear to be like you-nasty and hostile and spoiling for a fight. That’s not me.
The first time I read your piece I was upset. The second time I read it I realized you’ve spent the last 20 years or so looking (and failing, evidently) to find someone or something in a relationship. And the third time I read it I realized why that was. To spend so much time and energy and apparent relish being so bitter and judgmental about someone you don’t know and a relationship you know nothing about: How sad for you. Me? I take comfort in the thousands of people, men and women, who took the column at face value and saw it in the better angels of our nature, who didn’t project their own failures and insecurities upon it, and who were kind and compassionate instead of… well, instead of like you.
Oh, ho, ho! Snap, Lizzie! He told you!
Oh, wait. No. No, he didn’t. You see, children, this little retort further exposes him as the troglodytic misogynist that his letter to his ex strongly hinted at. He starts off by calling her piece “shrewish.” Shrewish? She pegged him in one shot, when she suggested that if you write a farewell letter, at least mention one characteristic of your ex that is internal to her and not centered on you. Is that “shrewish”? I guess all you women who want guys who treat you like human beings instead of blow-up dolls are shrews! Shrews, the lot of you!!
And then he gets personal with that shot about 20 years of looking for love but not finding it. How does he know that? Can you find that out via Google? Oh, and you have to love the faux-concern—he feels sad for her. Well, isn’t that big of him! But see, the faux-concern is blown up when he goes on about the “thousands” of people who are as deluded and narcissistic as he is. Seriously? “Thousands”? If he’d said “hundreds” or, even more modestly, “dozens,” I’d have let him skate by—but “thousands”?
Fig. 1: Dude, you are one malaprop away from being Tobias Funke.
Blah, blah, blah, crap about “better angels” and compassion and he ends with an attempt at a burn on Skurnick by saying she’s not compassionate. I guess writing a self-indulgent bit of tripe to your ex on her wedding day is. Again, someone needs to let me know when the OED makes these sweeping changes to the language!