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Five Things More Important Than LeBron James July 9, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Rants, Uncategorized.
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I’m going to need everyone freaking out about LeBron James leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to go play for the Miami Heat to consider the five things that are far, FAR more important than this fool and where he will next earn millions of dollars to throw a stupid ball into a stupid hoop:

1. The Oil Spill
In the decades to come, the Horizon Deepwater Oil Rig explosion and subsequent “leak” will probably just be known as “The Oil Spill.” This event will ruin ecosystems, kill off plenty of sea life, and irrevocably change the way many, many people earn a living. This massive oil spill is into its second month–have you noticed that the “news” outlets aren’t considering it front and center anymore? I guess rampant ecological destruction just isn’t sexy enough for Anderson Cooper or Katie Couric.

2. The Economy
Remember the mantra, “It’s the Economy, Stupid”? It was a mantra that effectively torpedoed George H.W. Bush’s re-election bid. Now that we’re in The Great Recession, I REALLY couldn’t care less about what some overhyped ball-throwing gargantuan does in order to secure “a ring.” What bothers me more is that we’re continually misplacing our priorities. Why aren’t we asking ourselves why he makes tens of millions of dollars (at least) per year for something that has very little significance for society? What about those states that have had to fire teachers or police officers? It’s weird how idiots will get out in the street to burn James’s jerseys, but don’t care to protest against those corporations that have effectively wrecked our economy.

3. Injustice
I know this may be a little large for people—many a person will say, “What can I do to combat injustice? I’m not a [racist, homophobe, religious zealot, general douchebag]!” You may not be a racist, or a homophobe, or a religious zealot, or a general douchebag, but chances are, if you live in the United States, you know at least one person who may be one or more of the aforementioned. There was a phrase I used to hear, “Each one teach one.” How do we get rid of general douchebags? By reeducating them, one douchebag at a time. Unfortunately, most douchebags tend to be very, very hard-headed.

Just perusing HuffPo or Salon, or even my local news site, I find that there is way, WAY too much crazy injustice going on. We’ve got crazy racists in Arizona, missing kids, and crazy ass transit cops shooting unarmed people in the back and then pretty much getting away with only “involuntary manslaughter.” And that’s just what’s happening here in the United States—I haven’t even looked at what’s happening around the world. So, yeah. Again, dude going to play for the Miami Heat? Not really important.

4. Health
How is it a major stride towards eradicating HIV/AIDS takes second fiddle to LeBron James? How is it that the fact that our nation is the most obese nation in the world doesn’t seem to cause a moment’s pause? Sure, we pay lip service–turn on the television and you’ll be inundated with a ton of nonsense commercials that promise get-thin-quick schemes. But come on—let’s be real with ourselves and realize that getting off our ample behinds and doing something different is going to take more than going to Publix or Kroger and getting the low-fat, no trans-fat bag of chips and then eating them along with a KFC Double Down? I guess I should be glad some people have the energy to take their LeBron James jersey and burn it in effigy—it means they’re doing physical activity!

5. Our Frickin’ Planet!
We humans have a seemingly inexhaustible capacity to a) destroy everything around us and b) find arbitrary, stupid reasons to hate the hell out of each other to the point of genocide. If humanity is to have a future, then we’ve got to make some difficult choices. For some groups, “difficult choices” might mean “not being douchebags in the name of [fill in the blank deity/cultural imperative].” The longer we continue to rapaciously use this planet’s resources as though there’s no tomorrow, the sooner that “no tomorrow” will come for the human race. The longer we fight over differences that, in the final analysis, don’t really amount to a hill of beans, the sooner we will become an extinct species and it won’t matter one tiny bit who went where to play basketball.

Now, I get it—James is very important for the local economy of Cleveland and of Ohio. His leaving to go to Miami may deal a serious financial blow to Ohio—however, when people get out in the street and start burning stuff, and when a grown ass man who claims to be the owner of the Cavs writes a letter than sounds like it was written by a sports-addicted Alanis Morissette, I have to wonder about the collective sanity of the human race. As they say, “I’m just sayin’.”

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