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NBC And ABC Are Festering, Pestilence-Filled Pustules…But You Knew That Already July 5, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Gay and Lesbian Issues, Popular Culture, Rants.
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I don’t know why I would get angry at networks that bring you

and

But after reading this piece over on Queerty, my inestimable wrath has now been trained on NBC and ABC:

After a couple rounds of pestering from GLAAD, ABC has refused to apologize or clarify Sherri Shepherd’s remarks on The View about how closeted black men are to blame for the black community’s disproportionately high HIV rates, ignoring that other little factor known as “intravenous drug use.” And now the Today show, which is hosting “TODAY’s Wedding: Modern Love” — a wedding contest for one lucky couple — says it isn’t budging on its heterosexuals-only policy because it’s paying for a ceremony to take place in New York only, and the marriage must be legally valid.
Which is news to contestants, notes GLAAD, which notes Today’s rules about the contest say nothing about a New York-only location.
So the television show that welcomes folks like Meredith Baxter on the air to come out won’t let them be eligible for a free wedding. Got it. What’s on The Early Show?


Fig. 1: Hell, no, fuck this show too.

Here’s my take: everyone involved is nothing but a festering, fetid, pathetic bag of fecal matter. The networks, obviously, are useless. Who the hell watches “The View” for any reason other than to purposefully kill brain cells? The only reason to watch more than twenty seconds of this shrill clusterfuck of stupid, vapid opinions is to see what Joel McHale will probably make fun of over on “The Soup.” Better yet, just wait till The Soup comes on and you’ve saved yourself the trouble. “The View” is one of the WORST television programs in the history of television. It is a rotating assemblage of vapid, moronic, utterly useless morons and will utterly strip away the last vestiges of hope anyone would have for humanity as a species.

Fig. 2: This dumbass doesn’t even know if the Earth is round. Seriously. Google it.

If “The View” is the worst thing on television, then Sherri Shepherd is one of the two worst idiots on the show, making her one of the two absolute worst people on television, period. She and Elisabeth Hasselbeck are two of the dumbest people to ever draw breath. If this were 1941 Germany, both of these pustules would be goosestepping and embroidering Nazi handkerchiefs for the troops. If this were the antebellum South, Shepherd would be gleefully serving Hasselbeck sweet tea and snitching on Nat Turner and talking about how “we” got it so good and isn’t Miss Hasselbeck the best mistress evah and oh, lawdy, didn’t Gawd do a great thing by allowing all us darkies to be enslaved? I shouldn’t be surprised or angry at whatever inanities fall out of her stupid, STUPID mouth, but then she turns around and goes there, showing that she is dumber than that ratty weave that sits atop her empty skull.

Speaking of stupid and egregiously dumb, the reason I don’t even bother watching The Today Show is because of one Matt Lauer. Yeah, I’m gonna pin this whole “wedding” bullshit on him, solely because I don’t like him. No, scratch that—it’s not that I don’t like him; I fully and completely loathe him. I think he’s a smarmy, stupid, vacuous, vain, ugly, imbecillic, toothy twidiot who, like Shepherd, singlehandedly lowers the collective intelligence of the human race. While Shepherd is part of the reason I don’t watch the View, Lauer is the sole reason I won’t watch The Today Show—and I blame the poo-flinging primates in charge of NBC for foisting this fetid wad upon us. When a gay man tells me that his type is “Matt Lauer,” he has told me that he is, in short, an insufferable douchebag seeking another insufferable douchebag. When a woman tells me that Matt Lauer is “dreamy” or “handsome” or “slightly attractive,” she has told me that she is, in short, blind and irrevocably stupid.

You see, children, I shouldn’t be surprised that NBC essentially said “fuck you” to GLAAD. Waaaay back in those halcyon months following 9-11, when all of America was freaking out about brown people from “over there” left, right, and center, a couple of soon-to-be med students had the misfortune of being brown at a Shoney’s in Georgia. Their mere presence freaked out everyone so, that some “good citizen” called the authorities on them. These poor guys’ harassment made national news…and they were invited to do an interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show. During the interview, that smarmy, toothy douchebag took the opportunity to grill these guys like they were Osama Bin Laden’s accountants. During the interrogation interview, he asked these guys (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Isn’t it possible that you did something intentionally to piss these people off?”

Fig. 3: Me, right after Lauer finished that question.

So. Does it surprise me that NBC and ABC are douchetastic and don’t give a flying rat’s ass about equality? No. Does it piss me off? Yes. Should it piss you off as well? Hell, yes. Is this yet another entry in a long, LONG list of reasons why reasonable people should completely give up on the morning “talk” shows? Oh, absofuckinglutely.

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