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Another Day, Another Lying, Hypocritical, Philandering Politician May 19, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Observations, Politics, Rants.
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Fig. 1: Rep. Mark Souder (R-IN): lying, hypocritical, cheating, philandering, “family values” moron.

Y’know, it’s getting to the point where I don’t even cackle maniacally when a lying, hypocritical, philandering, toe-tapping, Appalachian trail hiking politician gets caught with his hand in the extramarital affair cookie jar. It’s like, “Hey, another ‘family values’ gay hater got caught soliciting sex on rentboy.com? Must be Tuesday.” Where’s my surprise? My moral indignation? Even my Nelson Muntz-ish “HAR HAR!” is weak and tepid. Kinda like Souder’s canned apology:

“I am so ashamed to have hurt the ones I love,” he said at a news conference in Fort Wayne. “I am sorry to have let so many friends down, people who have worked so hard for me.”

Let’s go to Mr. Spock for a response:

You see, Souder’s not “ashamed to have hurt the ones [he loves];” that’s a load of crap. He’s sorry he got caught. When I was a kid, I lied. A lot. The problem was, I was a notoriously BAD liar. My lies would usually fall apart right at the ten-second mark. Follow-up questions would usually reveal that my stupid, undeveloped brain hadn’t really anticipated such a thing as a follow-up question. And as Judge Judy says, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to have a good memory.” Of course, the requisite spanking I would receive would lead to me crying. I wasn’t crying because I had lied and that I was sorry for being an idiot; no. I was crying because I hadn’t done it properly so as not to get caught. These amoral, venal, corrupt halfwits we keep sending to the statehouse and Congress have all the moral fortitude of a nine-year-old. They understand only their own selfish desires and see the world in terms of an “us versus them” mentality.

What’s worse with Souder’s nonpology, he quickly turns his diddling around on his wife into ridiculous charade of Republican versus Democrat. In other words, he deflects:

“I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff,” Souder said. “In the poisonous environment of Washington, D.C., any personal failing is seized upon and twisted for political gain. I am resigning rather than put my family through a painful drawn out process.”

You tired sack of sadness. The “poisonous environment of Washington, D.C.”?!? Seriously? You were elected in 1994! Sixteen years ago! What, did you think Washington was puppies and candy and no-consequence “happy ending” massages? Oh, and whining about “any personal failing” being “seized upon and twisted for political gain,” let Skippy refresh your apparently addled memory: you campaigned on a “family values” platform. You gave an interview for Religion and Ethics Newsweekly* in which you positioned yourself as one of the champions of “family values”—-while demonizing gays and lesbians:

I believe people can have a propensity to alcoholism. I believe they can have a propensity to look at pornography on [the] Internet. I believe they can have a propensity to be homosexual. But I believe that it’s wrong and it’s controllable. That is a fundamental, biblically based view that doesn’t leave a lot of room or comfortability in a society where they don’t want you to have absolutes.

Yeah. You compared gays and lesbians to alcoholics. You compared the sexual orientation of millions of men and women to a disease. So you can expect people to look at you askance when, after trumpeting the “moral values” of Americans and inserting “God” into every little thing you say, it’s found out that you’ve been having lots of sex with your married staffer. And when you have an “interview” to discuss abstinence education with the married staffer with whom you’ve been having sex…well, dude, you kinda deserve to be pilloried:

Fig. 2: You have GOT to be kidding me.

Since you love God so very much and you think the Bible is, like, the rulebook for living, let me leave you with something that Jesus said:

How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

*Read the rest of the interview. It’s a treat.

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