Nose Jobs and “Real” Housewives: A Rant May 18, 2010Posted by Skippy in Black folks, Observations, Popular Culture, Rants.
Tags: things that make you go 'hmm', trainwrecks
Fig. 1: Look at this fresh hell, and weep.
Children, NeNe Leakes, the alien in the center of the above photograph, did not always look like this. She used to look like this:
Fig. 2: Not looking like an alien.
Granted, she has weave for days, but at least her face looked like it was her face and not like something that I’d expect to see on the planet Romulus. Again, look at what she had done to her face and tell me why. Tell me why she thought that that was a good idea.
See, I don’t know if any of y’all have ever watched The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but here’s what you need to know: the “Real” Housewives franchise is as formulaic as they come. Take four or five overentitled, utterly clueless women, add conspicuous consumption and general infighting and bitchery and stir, gently adding in shopworn stereotypes (racial, gender, class, it really doesn’t matter), and contrived drama and voila! You have yourselves a “Real Housewives” show. Shit, I could do a Real Housewives of Tulsa, Oklahoma and I guarantee you it would be a hit.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta was a response to to the criticism that Bravo didn’t know that there were black folks who greatly desired to famewhore themselves to the lowest bidder just like the white folks in Orange County and New York had. A lowly intern, acting on a tip he’d probably heard the night before while doing shots at Club 57, told his boss that there were upwardly mobile black drama queens in a weird place called Atlanta. But hadn’t Atlanta burned down at some point in the past? They rebuilt it? And there are black people who aren’t poor and in need of liberal whites to get on charter jets and fly down to the South and do some kind of charity benefit for them? The boss said, “Quick! We must turn aside and see this sight!” And so The Real Housewives of Atlanta was born.
The show assembled a rather motley crew of alleged “housewives.” The aforementioned (and nose-jobbed) NeNe Leakes, Sheree Whitfield (she makes fashion! But it’s ugly!), Lisa Wu Hartwell (she also makes fashion! But it’s boring!), Kandi Burruss (she was in Xscape–remember them? Didn’t think so), and the requisite white woman, Kim Zolciak(she…”sings”) were gathered together and told that they were to be “friends.” Like all the other Housewives shows, the women claim to be empowered, independent women. But they’re absolutely not. It’s bizarro world of anti-feminism, a festering cesspool of contrivances and just a plain trainwreck. Usually, there’s one castmember who gets to be the villain or two women who have an ongoing “feud,” because Bravo execs know that if there’s one thing America loves, it’s catfights, because a show of women getting along and actually being empowered would be plain silly!
Fig. 3: Hrm…where’s the cleavage and catfights?
NeNe in the first season was a voice of reason and “realness”(inasmuch as a reality show person can be a voice of reason and realness). She seemed to be comfortable with her voluptuousness and her very big personality. She was kinda like a black, Southern version of Mad Men’s Joan Holloway.
Last season, she still had the sass, but something seemed a bit…off. She was constantly fighting with Kim Zolciak, which left me wondering, “Why?” Why fight with that bargain basement, no-talent, no sense mistress of “Big Poppa”? I mean, if I knew someone who was dating someone—a married someone, no less—who called himself “Big Poppa,” I’d have to question my life choices. Anyway, NeNe wasn’t sassy…she was being mean. And then she started shit with Kandi, the former singer from Xscape and songwriter to actual stars. Kandi was the new NeNe–she actually had a job, and could back her sass up. She had two fights with Kandi…and came off looking straight foolish. FOOL. ISH.
And now this. This nasal abomination. What in the hot hell was this woman thinking? Has she internalized a particular script about “beauty” that told her that having her natural nose was unattractive? Does she think that having that…that…”nose” will bring her closer to being a “beautiful” (read: white) woman? Did she learn nothing from Michael Jackson?
Fig. 4: This picture wounds my soul.