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Two Idiots Running Their Fool Mouths May 14, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Gay and Lesbian Issues, Rants.
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WARNING: THOROUGHLY NONINTELLECTUAL, ANGRY RANT TO FOLLOW. THERE MAY BE PROFANITY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) is an absolute, unvarnished IDIOT.

Watch this and tell me that I’m wrong:

INHOFE: For those of us — and I’m one of them — who have gone through the military, gone through basic training, and you stop and think — it just doesn’t make any sense. Second of all, it’s just not working. You have women, men, then you have a third group to deal with, and they’re not equipped to do that.

And you know — you hear the stories all the time. A military guy — I happen to be Army, and Army and Marines always feel that when we’re out there, we’re not doing it for the flag or the country; we’re doing it for the guy in the next foxhole. And that would dramatically change that.

Third group. THIRD group? The hell? So gays and lesbians constitute a third sex? Really, Senator Inhofe, tell us more? Oh, wait…you’re actually going to tell us more. Okay, you go on to say that our soldiers aren’t equipped to deal with this phantom sex. Really—-probably because you assume that all of our soldiers are just like you: uninformed, bigoted troglodytes who act as though gays and lesbians are from the planet Homosexualia and are here to bedazzle the world until it’s FABULOUS…and then have a ginormous planet-wide orgy after eating all the babies and converting all the straight men. I bet that’s what you think we’re out to do, you ignominious pestilence.

And what, pray tell, are these stories that we hear all the time, you blinkered moron? And how does “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” protect these little heterosexual lambs who will, apparently, just fall apart and lose all unit cohesion, you fossil? So you think that, if Private Benjamin finds out that Private Walters likes other guys, then Private Benjamin is just going to LOSE HIS SHIT and, if a firefight breaks out between the Army and Eurasia (or is it Eastasia? I get so confused these days), then Private Benjamin is gonna lay down his gun and say, “No! I can’t fight for this here homoseckshul!!!”? Is that what you want to say, you pathetic accretion of cellular material? Seriously? And for this, you are freaking out about Elena Kagan?

You know what, you contemptible relic? Bigoted numbskulls like you said the SAME DAMN THING about racially integrating the U.S. military. They said that white soldiers wouldn’t know how to deal with black soldiers. They said that integration would break down unit cohesion. They said that integrating the army was happening too fast, and too soon. Guess what, you witless and crooked worm? Despite the fact that there are racist imbeciles in the military, they seem to be doing just fine—-despite the fact that YOU have consistently voted against their interests (dude, you voted AGAINST up-armoring Humvees!). They haven’t deserted the military in droves because they have to serve next to an African American. And guess what, you venal, corrupt bag of mostly water? They won’t desert the military after DADT is repealed.

God, you’re stupid.

And speaking of God and idiots to whom God allegedly speaks, chew on this headline: “Pope says gay marriage is ‘insidious and dangerous’

Oh, really, Pope Benedict? Gay marriage is “insidious and dangerous”? Gee, you should know by now if you lead with that, I—-and a lot of other people—-are gonna follow up with, “More insidious and dangerous than priests raping kids?”

Addressing a huge crowd at the shrine of Fatima at the climax of his four day visit to Portugal, the 83-year-old Pope said that same sex marriage and abortion were among the “most insidious and dangerous challenges that today confront the common good.”

You know what, you old bigot? What damages the “common good” is pandering to people on the one hand, while covering up the fact that your priests repeatedly raped kids. For decades. And you KNEW IT WAS GOING ON. Yeah. THAT damages the common good, not me getting married to another dude. In fact, the common good is served by seeing that two consenting adults who love each other and have concern for each other’s welfare are able to enter into a legally binding contract which protects them and helps nurture the relationship. But hey, since you and God are on speaking terms, you should know that, right? Didn’t your bestie Jesus tell you that last night before you turned off the antique 15th Century lamp and rolled over on your side of your oversized bed and snuggled under your Prada comforter, you anachronistic douchebag?

And what’s more, you can’t even support your bigoted remarks with any kind of logical evidence. What you appeal to is the equivalent of “EW! That’s gross!” So what that Portugal will be the sixth European nation to step into the 21st Century by allowing homosexual marriage—-oh, no, we can’t have THAT, now can we? Next, people might begin questioning the usefulness of such an authoritarian religious institution that bases its power on fear and threats! And then where would you be, Benedict? Without all the millions of faithful followers, you might slide into irrelevancy. The faithful might lift up the ornately designed robes and that stupid hat and find that there ain’t no there there.

And I’m sorry, but a bunch of celibate men in dresses who ain’t legally seen any parts of another person’s genitalia aren’t qualified to tell me jack shit about marriage.

So. In honor of you two intolerant, bigoted jackasses, I say:

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