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Law and Order: SVU: Pot Monkey Rampage! May 13, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Law and Order, Popular Culture.
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Last week’s SVU didn’t completely suck! Perhaps we’ve turned a corner. Let’s see what the Law and Order: SVU pot monkeys have for us this week, shall we?

Ok, we have a flasher who is accused of rape. Before the credits roll, he’s apprehended by a young cop who’s just way, way too eager. For some reason, the eager beaver cop knows that the perp has a birthmark—-does no one bother to ask him how he’d know that the suspect had a birthmark? Let me guess—this eager beaver cop isn’t a cop….
…oh, wait, he’s not! Good lord, these people are stupid. This kid looked like he had escaped from his mother’s womb, like, five minutes ago. What the hell does this have to do with SVU? And I swear, I saw a fake cop episode either on SVU or Ray’s Famous Original before. Ripping from the headlines AND recycling plotlines? That along with all this damned stuntcasting is just plain ridiculous.

And we weren’t five minutes into the episode before the SVU Giant iPad made its weekly appearance. I really fucking hate that thing. Seriously. Like I said before, if I wanted to watch CSI, I’d watch CSI, where all the pseudoscience in the world gets second billing after Laurence Fishburne.

Oh, and eager beaver cop is sixteen years old. Seriously, I have to get ahold of whatever the pot monkeys are smoking, because that must be some Good Shit.

Commercials: Russell Crowe isn’t dead…but his career just might be. Oh, and Betty White is awesome and all, but I will never watch Jay Leno.

So, when we come back from commercial, we find out that the eager beaver fake cop’s mother let him carry a gun. A 9mm. Oh, hey, Elizabeth from ER—she’s playing the dumb kid’s lawyer. Bam! She submits the Blue Paper of Convenient Motion. Children, I am not getting this plot.
And in yet another inconceivable plot twist, the eager beaver fake cop kid gets into a snit because the case against the flasher rapist got dismissed…so he breaks into the flasher rapist’s house and is shot. Clearly, New York City is full of teenagers who are either rich as hell douchebags or wanna-be cop douchebags who will eventually wind up dead because they don’t have the sense God gave a billy goat.
Oh, goddamn, another fucking plot twist. The flasher rapist isn’t the rapist after all! Well, he may be, but the flasher rapist’s father is into watching rape videos! And the flasher rapist’s father somehow helped flasher rapist get the cameras to hide in his had so he could tape the rapes. You see, flasher rapist did all this to gain his father’s approval (apparently, flasher rapist dad had a bee in his bonnet about his son not losing his v-card quick, fast, and in a hurry. I bet holidays with this guy were FUN!) You know, they could have done the son/father rapist craziness without having this weird kid/fake cop nonsense. The episode ends with the flasher rapist screaming that he loves his crazy father as they’re both being dragged away. The pot monkeys were clearly baked out of their minds when they wrote this episode.

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