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This Is Why I Hate Baseball April 19, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Uncategorized.
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Mets Top Cards In 20 INNINGS

Twenty. Freakin’. Innings. That translated into a game that lasted six hours and fifty-three minutes. Let’s just call that an even seven hours.

Seven hours of baseball. Seven. Hours. Let’s see, what could you have done in the time that it took for the Mets and St. Louis to freakin’ end a damn baseball game?
–Watch at least two of the Lord of the Rings movies
–Gone shopping, had lunch with friends, and gone to the movies
–had a good nap and read a book
–clean your house
–clean your house and then go shopping
–pretty much anything besides watching a stupid baseball game.

Allegedly, baseball is “America’s pastime.” Frankly, I think it’s the wart on the butt of my Saturday afternoon/evening television schedule. My Saturdays are generally a lazy affair. I may go to the gym in the morning, do a little shopping/errand running in the afternoon, and maybe even go to the googogoloplex to take in the latest cinematic abortion. But my evenings are usually spent like this:
8:00 pm: Cops
9:00 pm: Keeping Up Appearances (a seriously funny British sitcom)
10:00 pm: Law and Order: Really Crazy People Doing Crazy Shit (aka SVU)
11:30 pm: Saturday Night Live or a repeat of Mansquito on SyFy
I am a creature of habits–including bad habits such as watching that much television–and I hate when my habits are disrupted by nonsense. Like a seven hour baseball game that preempted “Cops.” I bet they aired “America’s Most Wanted” without interruption, though. For some reason, Fox thinks people really like looking at John Walsh’s grizzled face. I however, have never watched more than ten seconds of that show, because that’s generally the time it takes for me to switch over from Fox to PBS.

Let’s face it; I have really questionable taste in television. I watch “Cops” the way old people watch “Matlock;” I usually talk back to the television in the form of yelling at the perpetrator(s). This show’s stock-in-trade is the drug bust and/or prostitution sting. There wouldn’t be a show if there weren’t a metric ton of idiots out there who ride around in their tricked out green 1992 Honda Accord with 24″ super shiny rims…and weed. Yes, they have weed. Always weed. And, of course, when the cops pull them over for the twenty moving violation warrants, they run. They always, always, ALWAYS run. Because a distinct, tricked-out, green 1992 Honda Accord with 24″ rims is totally indistinguishable from every other car out there in Southern California (they’re always in Southern California). And when they’re caught, the perp always asks, “Why are you chasing me?” (Because you’re hot and the cop wanted your phone number?)

And now, the cops are tazer happy. I swear, a week doesn’t pass by (at least one in which there isn’t a damn seven hour, twenty inning baseball game) that the cops don’t taze someone. I’m wondering what these people will do once the phaser is invented and made available for law enforcement.

Oh, well. I’m sure whatever they do, it will be more interesting than watching baseball.

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