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iDon’t get the iPad April 5, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Popular Culture, Technology.
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Fig. 1 You want this, don’t you? DON’T YOU??

First off, I love Apple products. I have an iPod Nano, an iPod Touch, and an iMac. The first chance I get, I’m ditching this frakkin’ Dell laptop for a Mac laptop. I’d have an iPhone, but I hate AT&T with a fiery passion.


Fig. 2 This accurately sums up my opinion of AT&T

Now, while I love Apple products, I am not an “early adopter”–in other words, I am not going to stand in line for hours on end and shell out hundreds of bucks for a glorified iPod that doesn’t support Flash, doesn’t have the capacity to multitask, and has no applications for graphic artists. PLUS, it’s the first generation of this “revolutionary” product–you know that in the next few weeks, people will complain about the iPad overheating, crashing, blowing up, stalking them, and slaying their small pets. Remember the first gen-iPhone? Remember all the people complaining about the problems with the iPhone? Oh, and remember when Apple made the stunning move to come out with another version of the bloody thing that was cheaper and better than the previous version?


Fig. 3 This is an early adopter. He waited in line starting last Wednesday. He is an idiot.

Besides, what the hell does this thing do, anyway? As far as I can tell from Apple’s own website…it does everything your laptop or netbook already does. But what’s got publishers wetting their pants is the perceived “game changing” ability to deliver magazines and comics. Marvel Comics (now owned by freakin’ Disney!) has an app. Yippee. I hate Marvel Comics. Besides, the joy of reading comic books is getting the thing in your hand and turning the pages–not getting carpal tunnel trying to flick through a stupid screen.

Fig. 4 In my day, we read comics on paper, and got paper cuts…and WE LIKED IT!

And really, iPad? That was the best name you could come up with for this “magical and revolutionary”(their words, definitely not mine) new product? It’s a big-ass iPod, fercryinoutloud! Anyway, you couldn’t have called this thing the iSlate? Or just the Apple Tablet? We’ve all heard the eleventy billion jokes surrounding the unfortunate naming of this $500 waste. Oh, and if you’re going to spend $500 on something, wouldn’t it be nice to not be tethered to AT&T’s 3G network? And for $500 you can get a pretty sweet netbook that does more than the iPad.

So, yeah. I don’t get the hype surrounding the iPad.

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