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Why Did I Watch “Why Did I Get Married”? March 29, 2010

Posted by Skippy in Uncategorized.
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Like I said, Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married?” contributed to the beginning of this blog.  I’d like to say that he also contributed to my blood pressure spike or my screaming obscenities at the television.

As I said in a rant on Facebook, “Why Did I Get Married” (henceforth known as WDIGM) is an abominable, heterosexist, misogynistic piece of tripe that shouldn’t have seen the light of day, much less grossed over $55 million (the movie’s estimated budget was $15 million).  But it did.  As they say, once you see something, you can’t “unsee” it.  I sat on my living room couch, jaw agape as some of the worst stereotypes of Black women trotted across my screen without nary a comment or criticism and the worst stereotypes of Black men were valorized and rewarded.

Let’s start with the “plot,” shall we?  Ok, so a group of Professional Black Couples (who apparently all went to college together) gather in Colorado (in the winter.  Really?  Really.)for a couple’s retreat.  How these couples lasted as long as they did without homicide or suicide is beyond me, but whatevs.  They go, and secrets are revealed and marriages are broken–but only so that a better marriage can occur!  Never fear, for Tyler Perry will not leave a single Black woman single.

You see, in Perry’s world, a single Black woman is a predator, a threat, a scheming, conniving ho-bag who will steal a married Black man without a second’s hesitation.  A married Black woman isn’t much better, because she’s a scheming, conniving, shrew who will put career ahead of conscience in a nanosecond.  But more on that later.

The Characters:

Tyler Perry Terry (pediatrician, married to Diane.  Not a douchebag…or so he’d have you believe)
Sharon Leal Diane (lawyer, married to Terry.  Totally will not get off her Blackberry, so that let’s you know she is BAD.  Lies to Terry about having had her tubes tied, thus denying Terry a son–OH, NOES!)
Janet Jackson Patricia (“psychology professor,” but never really teaches.  Is more like Oprah, but without the personal savvy or charm–more like Dr. Phil, but Black and female.  Represses memory of dead child, who died in a car wreck because of something having to do with a seatbelt.  Blames herself.  Husband blames her too. Fun times)
Malik Yoba Gavin (I don’t know what he does, but he is married to Patricia and is whipped.  Secretly blames Patricia for dead child.  That’s about all I can say about him, because that’s all the “character development” he got.)
Jill Scott Sheila (Is fat, wears a fugly wig, prays A LOT about EVERYTHING–including driving directions–and married to a total douchebag.  Gets humiliated early and often by douchebag husband.  S’okay; she trades up after husband leaves her.  Oh, and she loses weight, so she’s now a totally acceptable Black woman.)
Richard T. Jones Mike (The douchebag husband of Jill Scott.  Should have been named “Snidely Blacklash.”  Forces wife to get off plane after she is told she’s too big for one seat and tells her to drive from Wherever to Colorado.  Is cheating on her with the friend that Sheila asked to come along to retreat.  The hell?)
Tasha Smith Angela (Strong Black Woman…or, in TP’s world, Evil Black Bitch.  Has salon…and drinking problem.  Is loud, to the point of being embarrassing.  The most interesting character in the whole stinking movie until TP decides to “tame” her.  I hate Tyler Perry.)
Michael Jai White Marcus (Married to the above Angela.  Total milquetoast with a stupid haircut.  Seriously.  Brothers should not rock a pseudo-mohawk, especially if it makes you look like a refugee from a 1980s alt-R&B band.  I couldn’t take my eyes off that stupid haircut.  I nicknamed him “Ready for the World.”  Oh.  He got VD from Angela.  Yes, that actually was a plot point.)
Denise Boutte Trina (“Friend” of Sheila’s.  Tagged along to the retreat in Colorado.  Is single.  And dangerous.  And, of course, whoring it up with Mike.  Sigh.)
Lamman Rucker Sheriff Troy (The Good Black Man/Sir Lancelot…and conveniently, the sheriff of the small Colorado town where the Professional Black Couples meet up.  Winds up with Sheila.  Of course.)
Keesha Sharp Pam (Terry’s assistant.  Single.  But not predatory, as she mentions she has a boyfriend.  Remember kids, a man makes everything OK.)
Kaira Akita Keisha (Marcus’ ex, and *sigh*, his baby mama.  Is as stereotypically “ghetto” and messy as Angela.  They fight often over Ready for the World)

Whew!  Ok, with a cast like that, you might think this movie would be interesting, right?

WROOOOOOOONG!!!!!!

But children, I am plumb tuckered out after writing that Dramatis Personae, so part two of “Why Did I Watch ‘Why Did I Get Married”?” will have to wait till tomorrow.

Ciao!

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